I'm Sorry, Mom.

Well, this is my first poem here, so please be gentle. This is a true story on what's going on in my life.

All the days of fighting
All the little flaws
I never cared to realise
All this was for cause

Let me say my story
My life was just not fair
Everything I did seemed wrong
To her, who did not care.

Never did I think of cause
To the way she acted
Most my life my mind's deluded.
The big picture was distracted.

My mom fought for self control
The fights, they were senseless.
It didn't matter what I said
To her, I was defenceless

All my problems, seemed from her
I thought she's sent from hell.
She made me feel like of a piece of shit
I knew she wasn't well.

Today I found some awful news
About the coming baby
The news I share, is not for sure
It is still a maybe

The baby coming, has Down syndrome
It's not the perfect one
We all know, it can't be changed
What's done can't be undone.

I always know, she will be my sister
I will love her just the same.
My mother's ways, the past few months
It's me, I am to blame.

I can't believe that there's more
It makes me want to cry
The doctors, well, they found cancer
And soon, she will die.

All my life, I spent resenting my mom
Her cruel and unusual ways
If I knew, the stress she's under
My hate would turn to praise.

For so long, we were by our self
Raising me just alone
Minimum wage, full time work
My next meal, often unknown.

This went on for 15 years,
Then she met a male.
Our family turned from two to three
Right would not prevail.

The one added, was not the man,
But a baby girl
The man soon left, like my father
My mind began to whirl

The struggle began ever harder
For my single mom
It was tricky, getting by
Living in this slum.

Six months past, she met a man
A man I take for granted.
My mother could not believe her eyes
She became enchanted

Marcel his name, very modest
He would change it all
Everything was slowly changing
My life, why did it fall?

I had everything I ever wanted
But it didn't make me glad.
Would he be, like the rest?
Could he be my dad?

My mom got married, all seemed good
That just did not stay
My mom began to fight with me,
All was not okay

Now I'm stuck with this sorrow
Where was my understanding?
It's thought amazing, she's still here.
Here, and strongly standing.

At least I know, whatever happens
In this situation..
I have a mother, who cares for me
Capable of salvation

My mistakes can not be changed.
This just can't be undone.
My mother's life, possibly completing
While the baby's, just begun.

I hate to think, how my mom will be
When the baby's born
Whether she, will be strong-standing
Or whether we will mourn.

My mother is only thirty-five.
Her life is just beginning
Why does all, have to end
When we were just winning

She way she acts, I understand now
I wish that I could see
The way I treated her, was wrong
The problem was always me.

So to finish, I can say
Everything will not be well
So much for our fairy tale
I'm right back to hell

My family will be taken care of
I'll now do all I can
All I had is now lost
I'm back where I began.

I have a father, soon 3 sisters
We'll try to make it be
The pain we have is never lost
God, this is my plea.

I'm sorry for my past mistakes
What's done can not be undone
Like my sister, just soon to be
My life has just begun.

Please, comment. It would mean a lot to me.