This is beautiful song inspired by another rhythm and rhyme sublime

First Verse:

Sweet first verse, I liked the flow and the structure, it was easy on the eyes and easy to read. The last line didnt have the impact I hoped for but it was a good verse.

Chorus?:

I liked the use of the 'ight' rhyming, it creates a sense of familiarity that I'd expect in a song. This had a great sentiment, some lovely phrases. A nice song I think to sing to someone like a serenade. :]

Third Verse:

I think the 'blind and cant see' wouldn't work in a poem, it's a tad cliche. But in a song, you can get away with it. The rhyme is simple yet effective.

Pre-Chorus?:

Stands alone as a nice sentence. Not much to comment on. It was sweet.

A nice bit of work here. I admire your song writing abilities. I'm sorry I phrased this comment a bit weirdly but I hope you see what I was saying.

Keep it up

Danny

I'm here with you
amongst the dark,
smiling and holding you tight.
Softly you whisper,
"I love you dear"
and here tonight, it's my delight
take my hand, join as one.
We'll never part
for here we are
holding hands.
^^ tehehe such a cute opening in my opinion it just made me want to have a little smile on my face it was adorable i love how a guy has a cute side as well i mean yeah girls do but when i read something a guy wrote and it is something i can read and say yeah i have definitely felt that way as well it is refreshing i think the flow here was great and i liked this romantic feeling

So now I spend my life with you,
touching and holding you close.
And here tonight
I promise you this,
I'll always love you true,
and I'll always be there for you.
And you're here tonight
it's a beautiful sight
which glows bright.
^^ the only line here that was a little off for me was " i'll always love you true" the true part seemed to just be thrown in their so it would rhyme maybe you could play with the words here and come up with something else? just my opinion though : )
other than that this was a great composure of emotion i liked how you were focusing on the present moment (tonight) it was nice to see you focus on what has happening then

I'm lost without you,
blind and can't see
because you bring life to me.
Wanting to hold you
always; forever
because that's how much you mean to me.
^^ what girl doesn't want a guy that feels this way about here?! i can't name one i mean this is every girls dream pretty much we want to be appreciated and loved and shown affection and you portrayed that here !

And here I am with open arms,
smiling and holding you tight
just like every night.
^^ i like how this wasn't just physical like holding or touching you added in the smiling which means you like to be able to embrace here it isn't just a physical attraction though that was nice to read here!!

So now I spend my life with you,
touching and holding you close.
And here tonight
I promise you this,
I'll always love you true,
and I'll always be there for you.
And you're here tonight
it's a beautiful sight
which glows bright.
^^ i liked that you brought this stanza back it was a perfect one to end with!

great song! i think it was very cute ! every girl who reads it will immediately start to think about the guy they love or want to be with and thats powerful to be able to connect with your audiance
5/5

Wow you are veryyy talented! 5!