Pain is all you'll be

by wipeurtearsaway   Mar 6, 2009


Blood expresses how i feel
Broken is my heart of steel
Hate leaks out of my mouth
My ice heart is beating south
The hatred stares i receive
I care for not I'll make you bleed
All new life can go die
All they'll do in life is cry

Pain is all you'll be
Hate is all you'll see
Fakers will soon die
No draining seconds will pass by

So I'll push help away
I wasn't gonna listen anyway
I won't be pushed around
I won't collapse to the ground
I'm sick of always playing pretend
I'm looking forward to the end
Opening up these veins
Is what keep me sane

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  • 15 years ago

    by Bradley Peter

    This was a very basic, and adolescent piece, I feel. Filled with typical, overdramatic teenage views of pain and self harm. I didn’t like it because it was so average. Another piece about the ‘hardship’ of a teenager’s life, which always seems to refer to self harm, at one stage or another, usually with a blade of some sort. I’m sorry to be so harsh, but the simple fact is, is that this story has been told a thousands and thousands of times, if not millions, and you’ve done nothing here to make your piece stand out from the mountain of pieces before. If you feel you must stay with the subject, make it original.
    Also, it wasn’t only your content that failed you, here. If it was the same content, with a better delivery, then this piece would’ve climbed up the ladder a few hundred places, but wasn’t. The words were dull and basic.

    Brad

    P.S. I’m truly sorry if I’ve upset you with my true opinion, but I’m just tired of seeing this same old subject, with the same old points, around the same old views. Believe me, I do actually want to help you. Read some pieces by Mark Spencer and Nobodys Hero on this side. You may get some inspiration.