Comments : The Birthday Massacre

  • 15 years ago

    by The Prince

    This is an extremely vivid and interesting write. It read almost like a train of thought, it was very free flowing. Almost dreamlike in it's entirety.

    'To keep low synergy:
    at Christmas, meet at the isthmus.
    A brine labyrinth for you and yours,
    & this me isn't mine.'

    Those last two lines seemed like you were trying to be overly clever with grammar, I can see what you're trying to do but I don't feel it works.

    'Still counting sheep? Oh restless sleep.
    A maritime landscape... or-
    Portrait number two.'

    This was great, it reminded me of Shakespeare, just in how it seemed like one of his soliloquys in Hamlet or something. Excellently penned.

    'Its so contradictory, yet deliberately put..
    im throwing a party in my head. '

    Perhaps would have liked it to be longer, it seems to be over in an instant and the imagery could be further explored.

    Regardless, it's a good write. Well done.

  • 15 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Excellently penned, very free in the flow and your choice of wordings was excellent. Overall a nicely written piece. I would however would of liked to see this piece a bit longer, it is kond of short. Also words such as 'its' and 'im' need apostrophies. Overall nice write, keep up the great work.

    Peace, Joe

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This poem has a delightful flow with a very thought provoking theme

    I like the word choice and the whole arrangement

  • 15 years ago

    by Krista

    Im should be I'm...
    Good poem. You used words that I haven't learned/seen yet, so that was a change from the norm. I liked that, and I kinda figured out what they meant. I didn't exactly understand the poem, but it was well written.

  • Not a bad poem. i think it can be longer and more organized thoughts. i like the diction you chose. i like the complex thinking this poem gives to the reader. other than that keep it up.


  • 15 years ago

    by SHYSTY23KO

    I love it!
    honestly, i dunno half those words but it makes me curious! but the last sentence wrapped it up nicely for me!
    i love the line:
    'A brine labyrinth for you and yours,'

  • 15 years ago

    by Lauren

    I really like your poem. I think its different but its really good. It's quick and clean and I like that. I think its clever and a little hard to figure out. I think your writing is very good and can't wait to see more from you.

  • 15 years ago

    by Blissful

    Reading this for the first time was a very interesting experiance although I didnt grasp the meaning right at the bat. Reading it the second time was even better because I could see the clever tricks you put in there to create such a unique piece. It read so flawlessly with no interruptions in flow although the train of thought was interrupted. Reading poetry whose meaning isnt obvious at a glance is very appealing beause the reader has to do some thinking while reading it to understand whats going on.

    This is the type of poem that stays with the reader after they finish and keepts them pondering...I really did enjoy it. It was different and quite refreshing.

    Well done.

  • 12 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Penned very well, and really deep as in the context is structured which means it needs a little more concentration in understanding the meaning,
    I did like this and loved the thoughtfulness it left afterwards