Comments : Your Favorite Play Toy

  • 15 years ago

    by PygmyPuff

    This is practically amazing... Perhaps its because I can relate so much, or maybe its because theres such strong imagery (such as the second line). "Energize me with your battery acid words of kindness," has such a dual meaning, as battery acid will indeed bring energy, however also burn and melt away what it touches. The third stanza has an incredible repitition of the same though, worded differently, convincing the reader of this thought... Its ourstanding.

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This poem has a very original contemporary wording, great free flow, and ramantic imagery of submissive passions
    I enjoyed reading this

  • 15 years ago

    by Krathia

    This poem was the one of a very innocent girl, it seems. The repetition of doll and toy solidified that feeling, and there is a lingering sadness behind these words. It feels as if the narrator has already gotten over many tears, and is jus speaking with resignation and acceptance of her fate, with a light touch of hope.

    Content-wise, there was one oine that I did not like:
    "Energize me with your battery acid words of kindness"
    I think it was the battery acid metaphor that caught me off guard; it was very unusual, although very creative. I think you should add a hyphen between the two words, since the lack of it confused me for a moment.

    I loved this line:
    "Just lay there self satisfied, while I wonder is this love?"
    The second part of the verse here was once again a very strong echo of the innocent girl. Almost like a young, dreaming maiden who hopes for a knight in shining armor, only to find herself in the arms of... well, the guy here.

    This was a line I just did not understand:
    "But I'm the dirty rag doll that drives you to the depths of hell."
    I suggest looking it over.

    A very nice poem. Keep writing!

  • 15 years ago

    by No Need For A Name

    Your words flow like that of a grinding car. You seem to force out "artistic" words instead of words that could make it run free. The concept is orginal and enjoyable, but the way you present it is extremly forced and lopsided. I belive you should lengthen it a little, thus allowing you to let these words flow more easily. Remember, simplicity is beauty.

    Peace and prosperities,

    (RKD)