I first started writing poetry when my grandfather past away from a disease that destroyed him from the inside out. It made his body forget how to function and his short-term memory was practically destroyed. He forgot how to walk and talk. When the disease took him, it took away my will power to want to face my fears of losing the people I loved, the problem that we humans have to face as mortals. The disease was Alzheimers and it affects many people today. When I lost him I lost my ability to express my emotions in words I tried to be the strong for my grandmother.
So I went to counseling and was given the idea to write down my emotions and I have been writing ever since. I have never been out spoken about the way I feel; Ive always hidden from every one even myself. When I dont want to deal with my emotions and my problems I build up a wall and try and forget what I dont want to deal with. I put up a wall that is built up of words, memories and emotions that I want to hide from them because I cant handle my own problems and I use others to escape. I hide behind fake smiles and my friends problems so I donât have to deal with my own. I guess you could call me a coward if you didnt know me but thats the irony of it all no one does besides through my pages of my poetry.
Ive always been the girl who never wants to sit still or be tied down with anything except for relationships; I go through relationship after relationship so I don�t have to be single and deal with me problems on my own. I use my relationships to cover up my pain and the hate I have for my self. I love to explore the world and people around me. And with my poetry I can travel to different places inside my self I can travel to the darkest places my emotions will travel to and I can explore my emotions to the depths of there decorum of my words and emotions.
