Well I am your last second
The moment for your escape
But the moment is passing, and your still just standing
No fear nor prayer will do
These sparks start to fly and you wonder why
This is happening, this is happening to you

I really like how you start the poem. It has a very interesting and extraordinary flow. Though I still have a really (small) suggestion: for the first line I would just leave the "well" away. It's not such a big change but it's still makes a difference.!! :)

I am the trigger
I am the barrel
I am your gun
I'm six feet under
I'm clean and narrow
I am your last second chance, last second chance

AMAZING!! VERY VERY GOOD FLOWWW!!

Well I am the pain and sorrow
The grief thats stricken you
There's blood on the tiles, but your in denial
He was too good a man
There still is true hope, but it's replaced with sorrow
As tears swell up, tears and regrets

wow!! this is my favourite part in the poem..it's leaving me breatheless..of course I would take the "well" away at the beginning again but it's just a little detail..

I am the trigger
I am the barrel
I am your gun
I'm six feet under
I'm clean and narrow
I am your last second chance, last second chance
I am the hammer
I am the bullet
I am your gun
I'm here to hamper
I'm here to cull it
I am your death of innocent, death of innocent

GREAT!!!

I'm sorry but we got
To make the call
Inform the kin
The house might fall
Into a hush
Of disbelief
As I am the gun
I am the thief

really nice rhyme and very creative..

I am the trigger
I am the barrel
I am your gun

Overall you did a very good job..I wish you good luck for the future. I'm amazed!!

I like this. The general atmosphere was very creepy, yet there's this haze of sorrow hovering above it. That haze was solidified with the repeat of "last second chance" and "death of innocent". And while we're at it, did you mean to say "death of innocence"?

The rhyme with bullet and cull it was very very original. No joke. You don't see a lot of rhymes like that anymore. However, I didn't like it when you rhymed barrel and narrow, but that's just my opinion.

The second to last stanza/bridge was my favorite. It flowed very well, to my opinion; the rhythm was perfect, it made great sense, and content-wise, it was very intense.

Good job!

I would really like to hear this coming from you the artist. You know, In the way you meant it to be.

I really like the usage of

I am your last second chance.

That's just very poetic.

great job.

This is a bit uniquie for me. intresting indeed.

I am your last second
The moment for your escape
But the moment is passing, and your still just standing
No fear nor prayer will do
These sparks start to fly and you wonder why
This is happening, this is happening to you

^U Always have a way of openin your poems to get the reader into it. well it does to me. nicely done indeed

I am the trigger
I am the barrel
I am your gun
I'm six feet under
I'm clean and narrow
I am your last second chance, last second chance

^wow the last second chance says a lot. u have a way with words as well.

I am the pain and sorrow
The grief thats stricken you
There's blood on the tiles, but your in denial
He was too good a man
There still is true hope, but it's replaced with sorrow
As tears swell up, tears and regrets

^this part is truly powerful. "tears and regrets" my favorite words of this part cuz they say a lot

I am the trigger
I am the barrel
I am your gun
I'm six feet under
I'm clean and narrow
I am your last second chance, last second chance
I am the hammer
I am the bullet
I am your gun
I'm here to hamper
I'm here to cull it
I am your death of innocent, death of innocent

^very imaginie yup. hammer n gun wow. to take away the pain

I'm sorry but we got
To make the call
Inform the kin
The house might fall
Into a hush
Of disbelief
As I am the gun
I am the thief

^ flow was nice. words were great like always

I am the trigger
I am the barrel
I am your gun

^like the way you ending your piece here. please do keep it up!! =]5/5

TaKe CaRe,
Frenchy

This poem had a very good flow to it. The rhyming flowed right along with it at least for me. I liked your using of a gun going to the grave. That was nice. At any rate good job.

Well I am the pain and sorrow
The grief thats stricken you
There's blood on the tiles, but your in denial
He was too good a man
There still is true hope, but it's replaced with sorrow
As tears swell up, tears and regrets

i love the way the poem flows and i realy like this stanza

Wow. that is fabulous. I sort kinda love it. :) 5/5. wonderful. and beautiful in a twisted way.