Ambien

Don't call me crazy,
but it's true..
i drove around three hours looking for you.
i tried,
but i failed to stop what was coming next..
I'm a bug under a magnifying glass,
helpless and strained,
i can feel the hours pass.
reckless and anxious
i look for the red that made my life worth living
but it's gone.
i told you i liked your shirt and your smile,
you told me to go to bed,
that it wasn't worth the while.
i remember when we covered each other's faces in frosting,
you told me you loved me,
i felt the words on the edge of your lips
and for the first time in a long time i felt something.
it's gone, and I'm stuck.
i remember sitting,
you held me in your lap and told me
about your past,
you cried.
i listened to my favorite song,
your heart.
do you remember bayside under the stars,
or all of those conversations under the stairs?
i told you about my dreams.
i know every little detail never really mattered to you, but you listened.
you created me,
like the masterpiece i always wanted to create.
remember when we went to that concert
and i was too scared to go up to the front?
you went and took pictures for me
because i couldn't see.
winter.
I'd be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime.
where am i..?
where am i going?
the weather is warm,
but in my head it's snowing.
so many reckless turns,
i never cared.
so many fights,
so many things left unsaid..
so many dreams died,
when you left me for dead.
now its the early hours of the morning,
and I'm thinking about you sleep.
so much goes on behind those closed eyes,
i want to know what you're thinking.
after these past two years,
you'd think I'd know your every move.
but you still stop my breath,
and I'm as clueless and captivated as i ever was.
I'm not trying to sing you a lullaby,
or make this something pretty to hear.
i want to close my eyes and sleep,
and pretend that i can feel you near.
and i do.
every night.
you're such a big part of what i am and what I've been.

what do i do now?
everyone left me when i left them for you.
its quiet,
but i don't feel peace this time.
i know you do.
you told me so.
you told me you loved me..
but you'd still rather be alone.

i felt the words on the edge of your lips,
like your name never leaves mine.