By the time I was 17,
the only thing I had picked out
Were the names- but I never counted on reality.
I'm 33
and was so happy
until the doctor informed me
of a unexpected pregnancy.
Its only 12 weeks after the honeymoon
and although I love my long-awaited husband
with dark brown hair and deep eyes of blue
I never expected to have this child, so soon.
And I sit, sighing
As the doctor is smiling
And he wonders why i am so forlorn
But all i can think of,
is once this writhing, parasite creature is born
It will be the end of my freedom.
So, months later,
I sit plump on the couch
dreading, once this thing pops out
what a ruin it will make of my life
Even though I should be longing for it and loving it,
caring, nurturing, but- society has made me say that!
I didn't sign up for this! I was in it for love!
No, all I can think of is him,
the one I love, and how different
this creature will make feelings between us
Will he still kiss my eyelids at sunrise?
Will he still hold my hand in public?
Will he still make passionate love to me?
Will there still be that glow in his eyes
whenever he stares or smiles at me?
Or am I just so repulsing to him now,
a conventional, procreating machine
This, this was Woman's purpose? Blasphemy.
If this is my predetermined occupation, then, I quit.
Looking down in dismay,
Guiltless and disgusted,
And, pocking my swollen stomach
I'm to the point of bitter, blaming tears
When he suddenly leans down and puts his ear
to my belly and sings a cheery tune,
and it, the wiggling, relentless leach,
kicks against me- and I am suddenly smiling, realizing
because it too, is rebelling its circumstances, like I.
And I cannot simply deny its pre-existent determination,
As I had always fought against barriers surrounding me.
Hmm. Its going to be just like me. That little rebel.
But I can only hope,
As he stands and stares at me,
with that familiar love-light in his eyes
that this thing that thrives inside of me
...will have his smile.
