Shackled Thoughts

by InvisiblyHeartless   Apr 16, 2009


**This is a pantoum**

These chains holding me back
Tugging at my wrist with strength
My final view fading to black
The shackles shorten a length

Tugging at my wrist with strength
Everything slipping out of reach
The shackles shorten a length
My personality senses the breach

Everything slipping out of reach
My emotions surging through my blood
My personality senses the breach
Thoughts of you rush in like a flood

My emotions surging through my blood
Your energy pulsing in my veins
Thoughts of you rush in like a flood
Skin on skin, thinking of you entertains

Your energy pulsing in my veins
My final view fading to black
Skin on skin, thinking of you entertains
These chains holding me back

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http://www.baymoon.com/~ariadne/form/pantoum.htm
^ description of a pantoum^

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by xToBeWithYoux

    Wow, this is reeaaally dark Lexie. I never really read a pantoum before, but it is an interesting form that I will have to try someday :)

    I like how you managed to make all the lines interlink with the repitition, some people would just put in any lines and see if they work.

    The rhyme was very good, and the imagery was strong as well. The flow was pretty much perfect, but I can think of one suggestion:

    Thoughts of you rush in like a flood

    ^^ Possibly take out the 'like', as so:

    [Thoughts of you rush in, a flood]

    It just enhances the image, that's all :)

    If you wanna make this perfect [it's marvelous as it is though], add in some punctuation, as this could enhance and strengthen some of the really strong parts of the poem. Just a thought :D

    Overall, superbofabulousa! I love it LexieBean, and your style of writing suits forms, it was nice to see a change from your ordinary form [which is just fine, I like your normal form, it's just this is different... Oh I'm digging myself a hole now :D]

    Lovin' all you work Lexie, keep it up!

    Don't stop writing!
    Emily :D xxx

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