Hmm, I don't really like this one. It doesn't really make sense to me, I guess I just miss the big pibture of it. And it just seems way to over-played like poeple always write these type of poems. And it just gets to be too much. But it's not a bad poem, and it has a good flow to it. But I think you could make it a little more unique, even though it already is quite unique. The vocabulary makes it a little more orignial.
I like this piece. ((: It's kind of simple, but full of meaning at the same time. Although the flow seemed a little up and down because of the uneven lines, the poem didn't seem forced or anything, because of the rhyming. Your emotions were clearand expressed perfectly through your wordss. Great write. Keep it upp ((: 5/5.
Loved this!!! Gosh you blow my mind with yuor amazing rhyming skill!!! Lol you are so talented. Can't wait to you write more. You should try free verse...I bet that would fit you well. Anyways nice job hun. Nik