A very honest reflection of what a funeral feels like to the survivor very... thought provoking

I agree. this is a very reflective poem. it shows deep thought about a funeral and conveys how everyone feels when they attend one. good job

It is reflective, sad and honest and don't get me wrong the simplicity adds to the saddness of the whole concept. but you'd need to work on it a little bit more, just build on it, more imaginative words to get people attention. it was ok

Everything I was thinking while reading this poem was stated in the comment above me.

A few things;
Poems can have an amazing flow without having a set rhyme scheme. Find your own style and don't try to write the typical aabb poem. Read it out loud as you write and rewrite it, might help you phrase things so the flow is still poetic.

The topic is of your experience, your feelings, your thoughts. I liked that. You set the scene within the title but told the story in the poem.

I think there is potential. :)

The more you write the more natural it will become, just try not to force anything. Poetry shouldn'tbe forced.

Lisa`

Lost should be loss .
Some of your lines are really awkward , and alot of the rhymes are forced . Try to have some more natural feelings in it . Some of your ideas are really interresting , and I think that just comes from being 14 . Keep it up love , I'll still give you 5/5 . But just always go over your poems and try to fix them up little by little .

This is a very real poem. My great grandfather died about six months ago. It was the first person I had lost that I was really close to. I was in shock, and still kind of am. Death is a cruel, but unavoidable part of life, and we all have to face it some time or another. I think that's what you were trying to say in your poem.

The overall structure and flow of the poem could use just a little bit of work though. Well not nessesarily the flow, but I think some of the rhymes were forced, and you just used the words because you wanted to make it rhyme. I think free verse can be more beautiful and heart felt than rhyming poems sometimes. So maybe you should try that.

I don't really know what I'm saying though. Haha. Maybe you should just ignore me. Do whatever you feel is best. :]

I loved what you were trying to say in the poem though. It really touched my heart, and make me think of my Grandpa. So thanks.

Great job. :]

Keep writing.

Cayce

"It's the same as the last
Another person has gone to the vast
While we cry over our lost
Looking at Jesus and the cross"

-I really don't like poems with rhyme schemes such as AABB CCDD. To me, it really doesn't flow.

"Not knowing whether to cry or not
And believe me I have sought
The answer every now and then
But the emotions will eventually rend"

-The last line was...er, I don't know. Not fitting? Sounds like you were just trying to rhyme. Don't force me, though I understand sometimes it's necessary.

"Seeing someone else die
Trying not to cry
Who knows who's next
You could somehow break your neck"

-I really don't like the last line. This stanza went from being mysterious to blunt. I don't really care for bluntness in poems.

"Looking into the coffin
These wounds time will only mend
All the sad memories
Now loosely run free"

-What happened to the rhymes? If you were going for slant rhymes, I don't think it worked out.

"They then lower them into the ground
Never again to make a sound
This life can be so cruel
Taking us to each funeral"

-I like this stanza, but think it could be worded differently.

You should try rhyming dictionaries. There are a lot of free online ones. I personally use www.rhymezone.com

P&Q offers one, too, apparently. I've never used the one on this site. You might want to give it a try, though.

Overall: 3/5
Rated: 5/5

Jad,
Your poem is full of feeling and gets its message across, yet I truly think with more care it could of been a great poem if you had paid a little more attention to rhyme, flow and balance perhaps you could eit it offline and see how it sounds? 4/5

Ang ganda ng tula.

"All the sad memories
Now loosely run free"
-> I love this part.

Just lost a good friend of mine, so this is relatable.

"Looking into the coffin
These wounds time will only mend"
-> These lines made me remember looking down at his lifeless body in the coffin and knowing only time can heal the pain.

I love this poem, truly heart-felt. There are some errors and there are forced rhymes, but the way you perceived things, this deserves a 5/5 :)
Keep writing!

-X