Really brilliant poetry, it's totally unique. i don't think i've read anything much like it before, but at the same time it's relatable and reminds me of some of my stuff, and how i hope to write.
thank you for commenting on my poem before, means a lot :D x

I think this poem really suits you well (I have seen your profile btw), the subtle emotions filled in it suits your age so well. I love the childish angst in it, please don't get me wrong because I meant it in the right way. The structure was very easy to follow, perfect rhyming and flow.

This was a really good poem. The way the poem is asking questions through the entire poem until the last stanza was good and then to have a stunning ending of An answer of no. The flow in this poem was good and so was the rhyming. The emotion can be felt from the little girl as she ask for these things earnestly. The poem was good once again and don't worry God does care and will give her good dreams. Good job.

This is really good i like how it plays along until the end where everything is put in focus its very powerful i enjoyed reading it all the way the structure is brilliant its laid out evenly i liked the emotion that when into this you could feel it on every word

well done

Mother mother, can't I have,
just one cookie tonight?
Not a dozen stale not a dozen dull,
Just one that is right?

*Aww this is a cute start. I can just picture a little child asking for a cookie. Nice work*

Can you tell me just one story,
Not a long tale to make me cry.
Just one of dreams and wishes,
Where beneath stars lovers lie?

*I love this stanza. Adding the questions is a nice touch too. I love the imagery and the tome here sounds so innocent and sweet.*

Can you kiss me and hug goodnight?
I don't want "I love you,"
I want to feel and fill with warmth,
Not empty words untrue.

*I would change the the first line to "Can you hug and kiss me goodnight" Sounds more complete that way. The third line is a little confusing. I would just say "I want to feel your warmth" Saying fill is just confusing.*

God I pray for good dreams tonight
Not something boring or dull,
Something to make my heart take flight
And make the morning lights hull.

*This stanza is pefect. Great diction :) *

But mommy shook her head said no,
Nothing for you tonight.
So all I have is God and dreams,
I hope he's real tonight.

*Wow...such a sad ending. I think the title was perfect for this. Very nice poem. I'm glad I read it. Keep it up. Nik*

Fantastic, love it, filled with pain but still has alot of hope, I think you're gonna be my fav. poet

Excellent poem, It really is true how sometimes just saying I love you isn't enough. words fall short if not followed up by actions. Your poem describes this well.

Well laid out. Really Felt this poem so I wasn't suprised when the mother said no. A true reflection of a reality many of us can relate to. Like the innocent aspect to this. Good poem.

Mother mother, can't I have,
just one cookie tonight?
Not a dozen stale not a dozen dull,
Just one that is right?

*i love the beginning, the descriptive words really painted the picture of a child asking for a cookie.*

Can you tell me just one story,
Not a long tale to make me cry.
Just one of dreams and wishes,
Where beneath stars lovers lie?

*another great stanza, the flow was awesome!*

Can you kiss me and hug goodnight?
I don't want "I love you,"
I want to feel and fill with warmth,
Not empty words untrue.

*i like this part as well, but i think the first sentance is too wordy, maybe do "Can you kiss and hug me goodnight" it doesnt really take out any words, but it rearranges them.*

God I pray for good dreams tonight
Not something boring or dull,
Something to make my heart take flight
And make the morning lights hull.

*i like how the person is praying for good dreams... no one wants nightmares or something they cant remember*

But mommy shook her head said no,
Nothing for you tonight.
So all I have is God and dreams,
I hope he's real tonight.

*the poem was full of home up until the mom said no, a sad ending, but it was ver well done!!*

**Nice job on this one, i enjoyed reading it!**

This is very good. It touches the core of my heart. The best i red from you so far. Very well done. Intense emotions. 5/5, kel.

Mother mother, can't I have,
just one cookie tonight?
Not a dozen stale not a dozen dull,
Just one that is right?

^^Great way to start off and catch the reader's attention. Though, I would place a comma after 'stale' in the third line to create a pause.

Can you tell me just one story,
Not a long tale to make me cry.
Just one of dreams and wishes,
Where beneath stars lovers lie?

^^My favorite stanza. Perfectly written.

Can you kiss me and hug goodnight?
I don't want "I love you,"
I want to feel and fill with warmth,
Not empty words untrue.

^^In the first line, I would suggest that you change it to "Can you kiss and hug me goodnight?" & in the third line 'fill' should be 'feel'.

God I pray for good dreams tonight
Not something boring or dull,
Something to make my heart take flight
And make the morning lights hull.

^^Great stanza. Your rhyme scheme is very good throughout the entire piece. Good job.

But mommy shook her head said no,
Nothing for you tonight.
So all I have is God and dreams,
I hope he's real tonight.

^^I loved the ending. I wasnt expecting this as a read along. Also, this last stanza shows the most emotion.

Overall, you did an amazing job with this write. You are a very talented writer. Continue with your gift.

5/5

Kay Jay

You've taken words I believe to be the most overused and meaningless words in the world (I love you) and said I don't need them. The truth is we need to feel love not hear it, anybody can say I love you but very few will sacrafice and travel great lengths to earn love. A very sad write in many ways because this poem is all to real for a lot of children... hope it wasn't in your case. Great work again 5/5