Eternal Sorrow

This pain is more than enough
More than I hold on to
I've lost the only one I love
I can no longer have You.

* I like this. It's simple but I can feel your sadness. I can relate to how you're feeing*

What can I do
When all I want is another
I can't live without You
My choking heart, You smother

*Wow, i love that last line. Very unique. So much emotion in that one line*

Take me away
From this eternal sorrow
I can't live this way
I can't see tomorrow

*This part is sad. I know what it's ike t want you escape pain and have no one hear you. Very deep*

Save me from myself
From my suicidal hate
I'm going to show my true self
It's not worth the waut

*I would work on changing the the third line so that you use another word besides self. And you spelled wait wrong*

I cry to the earth
About my one sin
I remember my birth
Into the world of men

*I think this is my favorite stanze. It's so clever. "I cry to the earth" what a deep line.*

Take me away
From this eternal sorrow
I can't live this way
I can't see tomorrow

*Oh it repeats! I love that*

There is no more hope
For this poor old soul
My heart cannot cope
With this heart with this hole

*I'd change the last line to with it's many holes, that way you don't have to say heart twice. Other than that nice work*

Remember when I was a boy
When all was fair
And then I was robbed of all joy
And taken from my care

*I like how you talk about your childhood and how things have chnaged since then. *

Take me home

Take me away
From this eternal sorrow
I can't live this way
I can't see tomorrow

*Really greta poem. I love the single line. the flow of the poem was constant and I love the style. Keep it up. Nik*

5! this was a interesting poem that i really enjoyed. to me it was beautiful.