I don't know if it is the song I'm listening to at the moment or what but I didn't notice too much variance in the flow between any of the lines or stanzas. The description at the beginning of the first stanza really draws the reader in and forces them to keep reading. Not to mention I'm a relatively big fan of using the title as a phrase within the poem, so that really blew me away how well you incorporated it. I feel like there weren't too many loose ends that lead the reader astray and wondering, "why"? Which, more often than not, is a good thing. Long story short, great poem, it really is inundated with emotion and allows the reader to become connected. Great write.
Great job on writing about an easier concept and not making it very cliche. As you already recognized, the flow in this could be a lot better if you just flipped around a few words and changed some phrases. Not too bad of a job though. I like how you used the simile "falling like a domino" throughout your poem in repetition, this was good. Interesting wording throughout. Good job.
"I carved your pretty words, deep inside my heart
I believed in you so strongly, now it's tearing me apart
Ever since I met you, my life began to glow
But now it hurts so much; I'm falling like a domino"
The first verse drew me into this, and I think that you have sucessfully completed the first rule of keeping suspense yet telling the story through your poem.
The emotion and feeling of this is amazing, and after I re-read it numerous times and each time I did, I found something new to like about it.
"My heart feels like it's bleeding, cracking from the core
Killing me slowly, for I've stopped fighting in this war "
As from 'Kurt's comment - I think the lose ends are a good thing. A poem is meant to make a reader think - and you have surely done that.
Ok I really liked this. Personally, I feel that when you're writing with emotion -- in the moment -- you write your absolutely best and most true work. I really liked the line: "I can't see the bottom, but I know you're not there". For some reason that line just really stood out. I think that this poem would be great read out loud, so we the audience could really feel and capture the emotion that is raging within the text.
I feel this is a lyrical ode to the way our unstable actions effect many like the domino effect I also felt the rhythm was excellent I understood that it was one reaction that you were focused on and wish you luck in standing all the dominoes back up
Wow let me just start by saying this poem was amazing! I added it to my favorites the second I finished reading it. You have a real talent. I don't think anything was wrong with the flow, it flowed pretty good. Im sorry that you're feeling depressed and from reading this I can relate to you and trust me if he's putting you through this pain he isn't worth.
I can relate to this, and I'm sure many other men/women can as well. I don't see anything new here, this topic is often written about, but it is definitely understandable as to why. We're a bunch of fools for love, but don't let that ruin your idea of it.