Temps:)

I like all the images you made me see and I too want to be in such a place*smiles*
But in the end you state you were taken away to a fantasy world and I thought you were already there?! Would it not have worked better to say you were taken back to reality by a noise or by waking up..or to start the poem by saying you were taken to a fantasy world for some reason?

I love the poem, though..very sweet:)

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid

Yes i agree with ingrid that last line kinda threw me :P
i had thought wow peace and beauty
must be the fantasy world you are talking about :P

i love this piece of art through good job like always
tis been so long since i read your beautiful work :)
also like one of the lines in your poem said
i think it went "Optimism fills me"
that is a perfect description of how i felt when reading your poem

you truly out did yourself
cant wait to read more :)

Keenan

Your Fantasy World sounds nice this morning (smiles). Birds and butterflies, how nice. Now it is starting to rain, so the fantasy is over for me. lol Well done.

Temps,

I disagree with the first two comments. The world you created so vividly is beautiful, tranquil, serenity at its best. I enjoyed imagining being in this world of yours. The end was a surprise, but that is just why I enjoyed it. If it had just ended on a positive, I would have thought it was just another same ole nature poem *yawns* At the end of this poem I was left thing 'hey, how rude waking poor Temps out of her lovely dream and shunt her back to a real world that is at times just bleak.

Well done

Michael

"Birds dance gracefully
aloft crisp blue waters."

These two lines are so inviting to the reader, pulling their heart into this piece. Lovely adjectives that describe in perfect wording the birds dancing, and the crisp waters. Beautiful!

"Dipping down occasionally
for a refreshing bath;
the coolness caressing
the tips of their delicate wings."

My favorite stanza, so unique and creative! I love your word usage here, that really made this stanza for me. I can picture this as being like a Disney movie about a couple of birds, like those animated ones where animals talk. What beauty of creation you have portrayed here, wow!

"Butterflies flutter around me,
spreading hope throughout,"

I like how you mentioned that they spread hope, because that's what I think of too about butterflies. They are such bright and loving creatures, well-penned descriptions. I love butterflies and they are so breathtaking.

"as each light strand of my hair,
is gently tossed with a silent
touch of summer breeze.
Optimism fulfills me."

Great descriptions of how you feel about all that is happening and what the surroundings are doing to you. You have portrayed what I feel too when outside on that perfect day. I feel like everything is alright, no problems, just beauty.

"Serenity freshens the air,"

A refreshing line, well-worded, just reading this made me smile!

"and paints the skies bright yellow.
I close my eyes gently,
feeling the warmth on my skin.
Suddenly, I'm taken by the hand,
and awoken to reality."

The whole concept of that first line is amazing, well done! I feel like you could use another word instead of "gently", its a bit over-used, just my opinion.

I like the ending though, a twist. That would be horrible to be awoken to reality after all that you described!

One of your best writes in my view, I loved loved loved this!

God Bless You Temps.

~MaryAnne

Sorry it took so long to return the favour. (:

There actually isn't much I can say about this poem,
its pretty flawless in itself. But hey, I'll give it a shot!

"Birds dance gracefully
aloft crisp blue waters."
`I loved your use of "dance" here, it creates such a peaceful, calm image. Beautiful. Also, "crisp" was a perfect word to use, it reflects the sharpness of water beneath the sun. Great word use so far.

"Dipping down occasionally"
`I found the use of occasionally here as a throw off- Its seems to much of a mouthfull. Also I would of loved to see you keep up the alliteration of "D", it would of strengthened the flow. I just can't think of the right word as an example, but root around inside your head and maybe you will.

"coolness caressing"
`Again, loved the alliteration. You're creating a smooth, calm flow for the poem which reflects the images and idea of the poem- really nicely done.

"as each light strand of my hair,
is gently tossed with a silent
touch of summer breeze."
`Oh, that image is just gorgeous. Reminds me of a shampoo ad. (:

"Optimism fulfills me."
`Blunt, very blunt. Which makes it stand out more in contrast to the long, smooth sentences in the rest of the stanza. Gives it more of a umph, sticks with the reader. Nice.

"Suddenly, I'm taken by the hand,
and awoken to reality."
`I'm guessing you took the advice of the previous comments? I don't know what it was before hand, but I love this ending to bits. It sums everything up.

I'm personally not in to these types of poems-
But I must say your images were refreshing, you made me feel like I was actually there and all I can say is well done on that, its a hard thing to do.

Also the title seems a tad cliche for such a poem,
It doesn't grasp the feeling of the poem for me.
When I saw the title I expected something completely different, but then again I guess thats good. The element of surprise. (:

Good job!

Beautiful imagery it spoke to me in vivd detail, huge points for that.
i also found it very serene and calming and even if it you didnt rhyme ,which is actually refreshing to see, it flowed wonderfuly except when you ended the stanza with "optism fulfills me" it kinda stopped the flow but nevertheless i fell in love with it

amazing poem

xo HS xo