My heart is a two way mirror

What came first, the feeling of love or disaster?
I'm hot and cold still
Surrounded by dozens of hope but inside, I feel ill
How much farther are we gonna go?
How much longer?
I can only last so much longer...

You grip my sweaty, nervous hands with yours
But I dont feel whole
And inside, my thoughts race
More than you'll ever know

I'm up, down, and constantly crashing
Into and away from you
And though you're everything I want
It's still the truth, I don't behold

Watery complexion, a gasping expression
The girl on the left says, "He must be set free."
While the girl on the right says, "He's all that you need."

I ponder on thoughts, that may or may not have existed
The heavy weight of depression, has yet to be lifted
My paper heart is unfolded, backtogether but still sore
And when I look at you, I don't know what I want anymore