Comments : Tranquil

  • 14 years ago

    by The Queen

    I am calm as the ocean takes me
    I am nothing.
    As the sun is devoured by the sea
    So am I
    ^^I would like to rephrase this if i were you like below:

    I am calm as the ocean takes me...
    I am nothing...
    The sun is devoured by the sea,
    And so am I...

    Some punctuations most of the times are a great help. It implies where to pause and where to give a deeper thought..if you know what i mean..

    Oer all, I find this piece excellent. Just a minor changes and i think you're work would me somewhere in front page too..

    Good job..

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    This was such a peaceful piece. Most of the time when people talk about dying, it's due to suicide or a broken heart. There's tears and blood and a bunch of other gruesome things. But here you took a better route and wrote an amazing piece. I love the imagery and how calm the tone of the poem was. Not your best, but still a good poem. Keep it up. Nik

  • 14 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    The free verse flow is perfect as far as I am concerned.

    again the imagery and emotion stands out also

    great work

  • 14 years ago

    by East Poetry

    Tuff one to figure out. This is what I gather. You are unhappy but optimistic that even in death you see the beauty as it flicks out. Ironic that the death may or may not be suicidal. I like that twist though as it points out your unhappiness.... good write. Or maybe only death or knowing you are going to die makes you realize it beautiful cuz your death would be beautiful. this is a tough one. lol.... nice

  • 14 years ago

    by Stephanie Naylor

    Cant say i hated it, but cant say i really liked it either. Because when you read poetry you are suppose to read to the end of the line, when doing this, it sort of throws out comprehension and it makes the lines seem all choppy. Though i will admit the end was really impactful. Still a good write. 4/5