Solace in beautiful loneliness
euphorically sweet pain
*Those were my favorite lines ^.^ This is such an amazing poem. The diction here...just blows my mind. I mean the words you use are perfect and help paint such a dark picture. The flow is flawless. Wow...I really liked this. Keep it up Nik*
I don't seem to see the point of the poem. Again, I don't like these types of poems. They're too "poetic." I just don't grasp the concept of writing it. Though, it has great vocabulary and is very descriptive. The flow is good. But I don't understand it.
After reading Shatter I was really disappointed when I read this as it does not to me hold up as I could not find a thread each line thumps out senselessly? Baffling I read it 5 times and gave up let us know what it is about it helps if it makes sense and it does not to me, Ray S
'Thudding silence enclosing around
deep suffocating ennui'
`I think you went a bit overboard with your word choice here - although I knew what your words meant, it was till a bit too much.
How about saying...
'Thudding silence enclosing around ennui' - I dont think you need the deep and suffocating because if something encloses around an another thing.. I think it can be inferred easily without putting suffocating in there.
'apple half eaten lying there
speared by needles straight through'
`This was unusual, at first I thought - whats the significance of the apple and needle? Then I thought maybe it had something to do with your previous statement of the silence.
'solace in beautiful loneliness'
`I really liked this line, it almost seemed like a quote.
I'm not going to comment on the rest, cause at times I was getting lost. Your word choice wasnt the main factor, but not having puncuation made your poem have little flow, which made it difficult to read considering you had so many big words for the reader to get over. This poem has really good content, but you need to insert some commas or something because it was kind of difficult to read without a pause in there.
Good job otherwise, but this needs a little editing.
Hi, maybe i'm weird, but i almost understood exactly what you were talking; what you meant by this poem, after i read it second time over. second time, because i had to take in all the description. The imagery used in this poem is very strong and moving, great work. I would advise to put in some punctuation maybe, but otherwise, i don't think i'd change anything myself. I mean, poems are written to express how you feel right? if this is how you felt, then this is how you felt, you choose your own way of expressing yourself, and you did.. =]
apple half eaten lying there
speared by needles straight through
^^The imagery these lines create in my mind, is vivid.
torn to pieces by emotion
^^ somehow, i noticed how you used the words 'torn to pieces' in this poem, and the last one i read, 'lingering warmth'. Just thought i'd mention it =]
life being beauty clad in lies
eyes shut; ears sewn closed
^^these lines express what you meant almost perfectly. one of my favourite lines, again the imagery is vivid.
faces form emotionless masks
and boredom again ensues
one more needle; one more stitch
^^i love the way you ended this. The last line compliments the line 'eyes shut; ears sewn closed', really well. These are definately my favourite lines.
I truly enjoyed reading this one, and i'm sure if others get around the language and meaning, they'll be able to relate too!