"A pallid rose"

I loved how you opened this piece, good imagery.

"with edges outlined
charcoal black
accentuates burned
hope"

I love your usage of words, they created so many emotions/feelings and images. That word "accentuates" is perfectly used here, it sounds beautiful when read.

"--shaped by
expired dreams."

First, I would like to say I thought it was great how instead of saying "created by" or "made by" you said "shaped by". I don't hear that often.

And then, "expired dreams" just blew me away...Flawless, wouldn't change a thing.

"Unspoken secrets
entwine in spiral
formation; sealed
beneath the heart's
core--emotions
camouflaged."

Well-explained Temps, great verbs that makes this poem so fresh to read. You get the reader into your thoughts and feelings.

"Twirling it's fragile
stem betwixt
trembling fingertips;"

I love how you describe everything like "trembling" for fingertips, but you do not go overboard with the adjectives. I never have heard "betwixt" before, I liked how it sounded when read, different and mysterious.

"it's shadow appears
below, atop
translucent
waters."

Great work, not my favorite, since "appears" is so common but it was still good.

"An effortless toss,
and it's set afloat
into the unknown;"

This was striking to the read, "into the unknown" just amazed the reader and kind of stunned them for a second.

"swimming freely--
while shifted by
rapid currents of
a waterfall."

Loved the ending, this is my all time favorite style of writing, free verse the way you do it. It makes the poem so easy and flowing to read and really adds a nice touch.

This was brilliant Temps, even beyond that, your poems just keep getting more professional, but then again you were already that a long time ago! I love reading your poetry and watching your poems grow more in-depth and powerful. So congrats on this piece, never get rid of it, its a gem.

5/5 from me, God bless you!

~MaryAnne

Temps, to me this is one of the best poems you have written. So full of meaning and emotions, flows well, reads well. I have said it before, you are growing with each poem you write. Well done.

I agree with all comments above: you are really growing with each poem you write, Temps.

This one was really sad, but those emotions need to be let out too and you did it splendidly:)

An effortless toss,
and it's set afloat
into the unknown;
swimming freely--
while shifted by
rapid currents of
a waterfall.

^^
I know exactly what you mean with these words and how scary it feels.

Good work, girl:)

*hugs*

5/5 ingrid

A pallid rose
with edges outlined
charcoal black
accentuates burned
hope--shaped by
expired dreams.

It's sounds like a pretty piece of artwork. I really admire the creativity in this stanza.

--

That was pretty. I like how it ended. It had emotion in it and the words you used were great, especially betwixt...That is just a cool word, I'll have to use that sometime.

Great job. 5/5 It kept my attention and the imagery was perfect.

WTG Temps!

Well deserved, girlie:)

*hugs*

Ingrid

Congrats on the win Temps, how exciting! Very well deserved, have a great week!

~MaryAnne

Congrats on your win :)
Take care
Cindy

My my Temps...what a wonderful job you did with this poem. I loved it..it's flawless. Congrats on the win hun. I know you have many more coming your way.

I loved the finished product of this poem. Really amazing. Congrats on ur win. Well deserved :)

Wow this poem was amazing! I mean you made something that if you were to watch may only take a few seconds into something so thought provoking and magical! It was simple which was a nice change in pace. Awesome job. 5/5

Wow I can not believe I didn't comment this piece earlier. I remember reading it many, many times and loved it.

Unspoken secrets
entwine in spiral
formation; sealed
beneath the heart's
core--emotions
camouflaged.
^^^
This was my favorite part. I love the uniqueness of this --->
" Unspoken secrets
entwine in spiral
formation "
Gives the reader a very strong image!

I love how you draw me (the reader) in with such fresh unique lines
" Twirling its fragile
stem betwixt
trembling fingertips; "

Words placed so perfectly !

I loved this write Temps ! It captures your attention and holds it from beginning to end.

A little late but .... congrats on the win. Very deserving !

Congrats again! I love this one as well... You've expressed your emotions so well and this structure and the flow of the poem was simply perfect! Wonderful job :)

Congrats again! I love this one as well... You've expressed your emotions so well and this structure and the flow of the poem was simply perfect! Wonderful job :)

I loved how vivid it was. so well written. Amazing talent you have, keep it up.

victoria

Wow!!! This is indeed a great piece!!!! Fabulously written... It cascade to the deepest emotions. Very meaningful...Good job!!! God bless you!!!!

-Pink Butterfly-

Meaningful,well written

The second last stanza is my fav. No wonder you win with this one. It's different and in no way cliche. It's sad in a twisted kind of way with a very dark era. It delves really deep and gets to the core. Excellent write again.

Danika.