Take Me Away

Take me away
Thats all I ask
*I would change this to"that's all I want" that sounds better to me.*

I know you'll never love me
Like I love you
*I would work on the last two lines...I would try writting something more original because I've seen those lines before.*

So please do us all a favor
And take me over
*What do you mean by "take me over"? That was a bit confusing*

I don't want to be around
If I can't be with you

I'm sure you'd gladdy do this
*You mispelled a word it should be gladly*

One less lonely soul
One less downer on this earth
One less broken heart
*I love this part. It shows how not being with this person really affects you. Creative, put more of this in the first stanza. More emotions and not cliche words and sentences.*

Take me with you or take me away
Without you I can not stay
So every night I pray
God will send me on my way
*Hmm I thought it was weird that you started to rhyme at the end of the poem...that really throws off the flow. I would work on that. Overall I thought this was an okay poem. Your feelings are clear but the way you expressed them seems overused. I would rewrite this using the same concept and maybe spice up the diction a little so it's more original. I'm sorry if I sound harsh I just wanna offer some sound advice. Nik :) *