I miss everything

There's a lot of things I miss
everyday it's something new.
today I miss the way my head fit on your shoulder
and the comfort of your fingers around my waist.
but there's more that I miss
when I stop and think
and know that I do avoid this
when i'm not feeling strong
but right now it's okay
but not for long.
I miss the color of your eyes
even though I can see them when I shut mine
I miss our talks
and the fact I never lied
I miss laughing
so hard I fell on you
I miss kissing you
but I remember it felt like love
I miss being able to miss you
when you were away
I miss your texts
that were just to say hey
I miss staying up all night
and talking about everything
I miss your voice
and the way it gave me everything
I miss your hair
how soft it felt when I ran my fingers over it
I miss laying my head on your lap
and having you trace your fingers on my face
I miss your obsession with fixing my hair
and sometimes I still mess it up and wait
I miss our moments
and I still want to see your drawings
I miss hearing about your day
even though after you left you said it was awful
I miss trying to think of ways to make it better
even when you suddenly didn't want me to
I miss you drawing on my hand
and pen drawn smiley face on your pants knee
I miss the room where we sat alone
and I wonder if our names are still on the table
I miss the comfort of being myself
and how I didn't need to dress up to impress you
I miss when you touched your forehead to mine
and told me you loved me
I miss your dreams
of moving to Italy with me
I miss that boy I knew
the one who was everything I need
I miss him so much
but he broke me. over and over.
he left me, though he can argue I left him
wanted a different lifestyle
became something he once hated
and now he's fine
perfectly fine
and I'm still broken
but I can't regret loving him
because he's everything I need
maybe I fell too fast
maybe I gave too much
maybe I should never have given up
but I did
because he pushed me away
what could I say
when he took his world from me
I said I'd always love you. goodbye, good luck
what I meant to say was
please don't let this end
please come home
don't do this
I need you I love you I miss you so much
please.
but I didn't.
because I couldn't.
and it's over.
and I will probably never see that smile again.
and I'm sorry, but yes, I'm crying.