Once Upon A December

Once Upon A December

Slowly my life spins out of control
Face must hide what heart doth know
In this facade my only comfort is
What I do not allow myself to show

Gnawing feelings of anger and pain
Tear into the fabric of my being
Be glad you are you and not me
Be glad you can't see what I'm seeing

I live in a swirling torrent of solitude
Trusting no one...I'm merely alive
I've given up on myself
But no one sees...big surprise.

And it hurts so badly
To think I'll forever remember
All the bruises and screaming
Once Upon A December

I take no pleasure in this life
Yet know I cannot try again
I promised I would live my life
I promised I would re-begin

They never told me it would be this hard
They never said it would hurt this much
They didn't tell me that because of what happened
I would be repulsed by anothers touch

It doesn't matter anymore,
I don't really care
Only in solitude can I exist
Of this I've become aware

And it hurts so badly
To think I'll forever remember
All the bruises and screaming
Once Upon A December

The darkness presses in on me
The flashbacks fade to true
I HATE HIM SO MUCH
WHAT CAN I DO???!!!

"Dad" is what the bastard called himself
And I was too young to see
And now I'm left like this
HE'S A PART OF ME

And it hurts so badly
To think I'll forever remember
All the bruises and screaming
Once Upon A December

It led to the thoughts
Which led to the pain
Which led to my futile attempts
Which have driven me insane

For so many years
I longed to die
He's my unnoticed companion
Only He can hear me cry

Just because my heart still beats
Does not mean I live
The beating heart has long-since died
There's nothing left to give

And it hurts so badly
To think I'll forever remember
All the bruises and screaming
Once Upon A December

I've tried time and time again
To show a smile that matches my soul
But it turns into the grimace
Of a pain beyond my control

I don't remember the last time
I felt a true feeling
And as I isolate myself
It's my fate I am sealing

One day I'll be able to
Open my eyes and see no sorrow
But that day is not today
And most likely not tomorrow

And it hurts so badly
To think I'll forever remember
All the bruises and screaming
Once Upon A December

Someday it'll all seem
As if it were a bad dream
Someday I'll be able to say what I mean
One day I'll rest in a pasture of green
Never to arise again...
It's sad to say I can't wait until then...