Always Scared

No matter what the time I'm always scared
I feel shakey and nervous and nobody cares
I no longer feel happiness or smiles
But these fears i gave drag on for miles

No I'm not a baby or a drama queen
But all this fright, what could it mean?
Am I immature and unprepared for life?
However, I'm not the least bit scared to pick up a knife

I am afraid of walking around in the light
But not afraid as the lighter burns my skin bright
I cannot talk without fumbling my words
When it comes to cutting I don't think and just go forewords

I'm not afraid to pass out and drink
I am afraid to speak without having time to think
I am terrified to be happy known everything will so crash down
I can't smile knowing how quickly it will be back to a frown

It is so easy for me to be silent knowing if I speak I won't be heard
So for now I am not able to speak on single word
I have no problem with sleeping through half my life
The only thing that keeps me awake is a knife

Gruesome things don't effect me on bit
Happy things make me jealous and I feel like I've been hit

All the lyrics to songs hit me right in the chest
Sometimes I think that death would be the best
I shake and stubble through the day
I'm just trying to find permenate happiness and and make my way