I.......

by kookie   Nov 12, 2009


The darkness takes me over
feeding on my heart
deep into the abiss witch i could not possibly understand like a child in a fild of daisies walks into a viper pit
there is no way out
no way back once you've seen
the face of haties
and still deeper i fall
into nothing
what is this...this... THING
i know not of
for i am just a pawn
in the game of life
an d i will be silenced
i will not act as if i can comprehen
the madness in witch you speak of
i am not crazy just in disposed
and i have giving up

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  • 14 years ago

    by KJ

    The darkness takes me over
    feeding on my heart
    deep into the abiss witch i could not possibly

    ^^'abiss' should be 'abyss', 'witch' should be 'which'.

    understand like a child in a fild of daisies

    ^^'fild' should be 'field'

    walks into a viper pit
    there is no way out
    no way back once you've seen
    the face of haties
    and still deeper i fall
    into nothing
    what is this...this... THING
    i know not of
    for i am just a pawn
    in the game of life
    an d i will be silenced

    ^^'an d' should be 'and'

    i will not act as if i can comprehen

    ^^'comprehen' ----> 'comprehend'

    the madness in witch you speak of
    'which' not 'witch'
    i am not crazy just in disposed
    and i have giving up

    ^^'giving' --> 'given'

    Overall, this wasn't a bad write. I believe that if you take your time and concentrate on placing punctuation marks and correct the spelling/grammar, it could be much better. But you did a flawless job on the emotion.