Driven

by Mads Avnboeg   Nov 20, 2009


Driven by the horses of insanity
Over stock and stone
Even sleep don't give me any tranquility
One moment flying high,
on the flapping wings of euphemism
Next moment falling toward earth,
like a winged bird,
spinning violently out of control
The time since we have talked together,
seems an eternity away
Life crawls without you
With every breath I hope to;
hear your voice
read your words
feel your skin
lay silently by your side, listen to your calm breath,
watch you sleep like an angle
How can something so beautiful,
as love hurt that much?
The privation gnaws into my soul
Like the sea into the shores
It slowly consumes my senses
Oh my dearest, my sun
I am a satellite around you
My bright star
I miss you here in the dark

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  • 14 years ago

    by Mads Avnboeg

    Thanks Kurt, I'll try to edit the poem. Always nice get critics, I sometimes stare myself blind at a poem, even after returning to it and don't see the errors ;-)

  • 14 years ago

    by Kurt

    Excellent choice of vocabulary. You used vivid imagery and this really enhanced the poetry. However, I found the flow to be rushed and out of beat. This was caused partly by the odd structuring of some of the sentences.

    I.E:
    "The time since we last have talked together"

    Either eliminate last, or move it to after have. With it before have the flow is really thrown and causes the reader to stumble.

    All in all this poem was well written and I enjoyed reading it. Well done.