Comments : The Makeover

  • 10 years ago

    by Hopeless Romantic

    Next she removes her pretend eyes,
    this line seemed a little off to me, but other than that i really enjoyed it and the message behind it. :)

  • 10 years ago

    by just ashley

    I really liked this poem but there are some improvements you can make on it. the big one is that is ends too abruptly. maybe add anotherstanza or too.

    other than that very well written and it doesnt bother me to get messages

  • 10 years ago

    by Saving Grace

    Loved this poem very much. I found that the rhyme scheme wasnt forced, which helped the poem really flow quite well. I like that. =] i must say also, that

    "Charcoal running down her cheeks,
    She discovers the real her she seeks."

    Those 2 lines were my favorite! I duno, they just really stood out for me. And i loved the ending, thought it ended the poem perfectly! Anyway, overall i really enjoyed the read. Its a great write. Keep it up. 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by kylexthexmagnificent

    Wow.... truly amazing. i love the story behind this. its sad cuz it happens very often. great poem :)

  • 10 years ago

    by AJ

    I can see this poem in the inspirational category. Mainly because there are many girls out there that feel they must mask themselves, when in reality, they dont. This was very well written and thoughtfully laid out. good job. 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Dark Secrets

    Wow!! this poem is just phenominal... no one diserves you if they don't want you as you are, that just means they want to be their imaginary perfection.

    "From her face she removes her mask,
    Allowing her skin to breathe at last;
    Charcoal running down her cheeks,
    She discovers the real her she seeks."

    ^loved those lines... and also the way you described him as cancer... well done, keep writing, we need creative metaphores like the ones you used here.

  • 10 years ago

    by Lover Boii

    This is powerful in a certain way. Everyone understands what this is saying. Most people have been there before. And you're writing about a girl who has the strength to be herself more confidently whether he likes it or not, the idea that you don't have to impress anyone, in life, but yourself.

    It was well written and I love how real it feels.

  • 10 years ago

    by KJ

    You know, you are truely an amazing writer :) Every time I read one of your poems, I get caught up in it, & that's always a good sign.

    "In front of the full length mirror she stood,
    Knowing her choice will do her good.
    Her long blonde hair will be no more;
    It's not his approval she's searching for."
    ^^an excellent intro. it caught my attention and made me want to read more. also, my favorite stanza.

    "Locks held high and scissors in hand,
    She cuts away to make a stand.
    From honey gold to fiery amber;
    She rids her body of his cancer."
    ^^i really loved the rhyme in this stanza. also your usage of adjectives throughout was great.

    "From her face she removes her mask,
    Allowing her skin to breathe at last;
    Charcoal running down her cheeks,
    She discovers the real her she seeks."
    ^^this is sort of the climax of the poem to me. emotion was powerful (allowing her skin to breathe)<---brilliant/beautyfull

    "Next she removes her pretend eyes,
    And pulls out her glasses she's had to hide.
    Neglecting no longer her favoured frames;
    She's tired of playing his stupid games."
    ^^ha. realization. also a change of emotion. it went from sort of somber to victorious. realizing that you are perfect as you are and getting rid of the negative.

    "He's changed her to what he wants to see,
    Dismissing who she craves to be,
    But someone else she can be no longer;
    Her heart's desires have made her stronger."
    ^^great conclusion. :)

    Overall, your poem was well written. I will be crazy if I didnt give it a 5.

  • 10 years ago

    by Kayla

    That was an extremely good poem.
    It's going to my favorites right away.
    That was indeed very inspirational.
    Kudos. :)

    -Kayla

  • 10 years ago

    by shlok

    Very touchy... you can read mine as well..unwanted parents

  • 10 years ago

    by XoXoBriannaoXoX

    Wow.. thats a really touching write. it actually made me cry.. because i feel like that everyday. i wish i actually had the courage to do that though. (:* dont make any changes. it is a real good poem

  • 10 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    "In front of a full length mirror she stood,
    Knowing her choice would do her some good.
    Her long blonde hair, to be no more;
    For it's not his approval she's searching for."

    Your syllable count is off in places, I cleaned it up a bit just for example, i hope you see what I mean.

    Other than that i thought this was a good piece, i think we can all relate sometimes, when you realize that you are being what someone else wants you to be instead of who or what you are.

    Overall I thought you did a nice job, good work.

  • 10 years ago

    by AwingAshes

    Gave me the goosebumps; most definitely a winner. A problem I feel in all society and you said it perfectly - painted the picture, really.

  • 10 years ago

    by Christopher Wry

    Interesting and to many times true.

  • 9 years ago

    by SheenaMarie

    5/5 great message