I lie awake...

I lie awake..
thinking of you.. you and me..
why does it seem we can never be..
I try my hardest to see away...
away for us to be...

so much stands in the way...
but I cant see these even start to sway..
I can just see us paying.. paying in hardship..

I want you more then anything..
but I will always put you before my own needs..
your stressed,
your confused,
your always upset,

I dont know if im whats best for you..
So I lie here thinking..
thinking of you.. you and me..
seeing not so many options..
just road block after road block.. thinking..

when will they end? can I hold on to you for that long..
everything is so blurry ive come to so many dead ends..
to no hope of any amends..
I see no way out.. im just another one of your wanna be ex's
im lost for directions.. having no clue if im heading to a series of rejections

I stay up late.. talking.. laughing.. having loads of fun
but soon into our conversation I notice what little I can do
to even remotely be something more..
more then just a friend..

Renee, my beautiful nae.. soon I will not be able to stay..
I cant put myself through this.. knowing that I will come to such a horrible end
im strong and determined.. but my heart is so fragile..
I cant stand her and watch myself get hurt..

yet I know ill put you first.. and take blow after blow..
I stand there and keep a straight face.. till I see you smile..
then when you look away and no one is watching..
ill break down and let my wounds run deep..

I fall into a calling sleep..
ill dream.. ill wonder..
and guess what somehow I know it will be of you..
as I fall asleep..
thinking.. thinking of you