Comments : Silent Reminders

  • 14 years ago

    by Nee

    I actually like this :) it wasn't bad at all, from the first read, I sensed some deep meanings..
    But the lines are separated in such a weird way that I cannot comprehend..the piece seems unorganized and chaotic.

    Try to remove some filler words if you could..usually the poem is more beautiful without them.

    Other than that, you have a good talent
    Write on =)

  • 14 years ago

    by Siglawoo

    Nice one .. you are good at wording but the flow seem a lil disturbed .. don't mind but i am just saying this because u can make it perfect....

  • 14 years ago

    by Faithless

    I agree with Nema, you actually have a good start but there seems to be too many filler words, it would be good if you could minimize them or express them in another way without using any filler words.

    On top of that may be u can elaborate more about the images that you see, so the readers will get the idea of what is it actually that u're trying to get rid of (eg. images of ur ex/monsters/rapist etc.).

    I might be wrong, but from my interpretation, I think this poem is about you trying to get over your ex. You still has mixed feeling for him, you want him out of ur life but at the same time you wished that he would show some sign of concern, but somehow or rather, the thrill & excitement that both of you once had, is no longer there.

    Well not bad at all, keep it up;)

  • 14 years ago

    by arabelle

    Its good but there is no flow, poems need to flow and your poem has too broad a subject you need to narrow it down to one small moment and then be elaberate and describe it in good detail.

  • 14 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    The darkness of this poem is captivating because it seems to reflect true exprience

  • 14 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I really liked the opening I thought that was a strong beginning to the rest of your poem. A small thing such as the light on your alarm clock, is silent & holds a reminder as many things do in the world as well. Uhmm, everything was good here...but you seem to just sketch your thoughts down which is fine but in the near future i'm sure you'll improve & put a flow with your words. Right now it's choppy short thoughts, but those are always interesting too. To dig inside the mind of the writer & see waht they are thinking. Nicely done. (:

  • 14 years ago

    by KJ

    I think this was my favorite of the two :) It was really emotional and you caught my attention with the first couple of lines. Overall, great poem. Keep writing. 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Mimed Lovette

    I love this one!
    Especially this line:

    Just silent reminders
    that were never really silent at all.

    I get how this can actually be possible, like how emptiness can be so resounding. People usually ruminate over what they have lost more over than what they have on hand. A delightful read, 5/5!

  • 14 years ago

    by Jes

    I loved the emotion you put in this. I know how you feel and it sucks...but good work!

  • 14 years ago

    by Stephanie Michelle

    "Just silent reminders
    that were never really silent at all. "

    I think this was a very strong way to end your piece. It's true that when you're in this situation, silence can be deafening. I like how you portray your thoughts through imagery. I also like how you reinforce statements by using repetition.. Good write.