Comments : Alison Part 2

  • 14 years ago

    by january friend

    I like how in the first part you've switched to more "word" words, if that makes sense, and then you switch back to the description. "ignite the passion that shall never depart" this was my favorite line from this poem

  • 14 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    When I read something original it always give me a thrill so when I started on your trilogy of Alison I found it was like a fascinating blossoming love story, in the beginning, the dawning and the after glow.
    You as a poet are new to me and in the first part I ate up your words, chocolate like hair, Rappling through mazes of dark light so imaginative, and so image building as all excellent poetry, and refreshing in its newness.
    The last two lines were my favourite and so right to end it. I wonder were your finale came from, You'll be my valentine tonight intriguing.
    My favourite of the three parts was the second part amazing and descriptive full of insight and the wonder of love in its full glory with you besotted by your subject. I truly enjoyed it from start to finish and wonder if it was easy as love helps when your mind opens to it.
    Your final verse, the wonder comes out of what you have and perhaps a fear of loosing? words like Eclaircise my anxiety & illuminate my growth, love can do strange things to you, its last line the seal and so appropriate.
    One of the best poetry strings I have read in a long time and worth an excellent 5/5 for every part of it. You have won me over and I can't wait to read the rest of your work. Thanks Ray S

  • 14 years ago

    by ilikepurple222

    My favorite line: "ignite the passion that shall never depart" seriously amazing way to describe your emotions

  • 14 years ago

    by Alex D

    I love this one. This is a fantastic write! The imagery and emotions you depict are spectacular and heart wrenching. It makes you think of 4th of july with a lover under the fireworks. Absolutely breathtaking. Aside from the message, it flows very well and the rhyme scheme was well executed!

  • 14 years ago

    by KJ

    There isn't much that I can say. Only that this is another beautifully written piece. There is not one thing that I would change, for this is perfect. 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Alison should be flattered that I am impress by the poetic description while I imagine she the inspiration for your well delivered poetic passion

  • 14 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    I like how you mention your thoughts about her as if she's all you think about. You day dream of her and you want to be the one she runs to. Great work 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    You'll be my Aphrodite tonight.

    *I love that line!! What woman wouldn't want to be called the goddest of beauty lol That's such an honor. Anyway this was just as great at the first. Lovely diction :) Nik*

  • 14 years ago

    by Gasttlee

    You really know how to make your poems sparkle, especially with the imagery.

  • 14 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    That was a brilliant write... the imagery is brilliant... your feelings so well expressed... and beautifully worded... the whole write is captivating...
    an awesome poem I must say...

  • 14 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Just one tiny note if I had to give you one: I would suggest spelling out "&", this has always been a thing that has bothered me, but do as you will.

    "Another sonnet for the exquisite sweetheart,
    Lingering gasps will expose longful honesty,
    Ignite the passion that shall never depart,
    Spark my daydream with opportunity.
    Oppose my chagrin with sugar & spice,
    Note, I'm always here for advice."

    I liked the thought put into this, and as I was taking in each line, I pondered the meaning which is why I give this piece such high praise. You have some really inspiring lines written here, well done.

    "Candlelight glistens over your rose like eyes,
    An unblemished & immaculate smile,
    Raindrops keep falling within our sight,
    Excuse me for my versatile style,
    You'll be my Aphrodite tonight."

    This was equally good to the stanza above, and I liked how you in this stanza, gave more descriptions of the scenery and what she appears to look like. The last line is what I have looked forward to, and you did not disappoint. I thought that was very sweet and brilliant to call her your Aphrodite.

    Best wishes in the future!

    ~MA

  • 13 years ago

    by MaSkEdSoUl

    Very well written, its great how you continued and kept it the same length as the first. Excellently written with beautiful wording. Two favorite verses were:

    "Ignite the passion that shall never depart,
    Spark my daydream with opportunity."

    "Candlelight glistens over your rose like eyes,
    An unblemished & immaculate smile,"

    I especially love second verse.

  • 13 years ago

    by Gasttlee

    Seems like a sort of repeat of part 1, but still great.