Congrats on the March challenge club win Myryn !!!!

In the dawning
Of forgotten trust and divinity,
my heart
must not wander afar,
For, and only in, the lap of Heaven,

^^^
I could read this part over and over a million times and NEVER tire of the words.
Especially loved " For, and only in, the lap of Heaven,"

Wonderfully woven hun .... and great title choice as well !

I just love your word choice and how the piece flows so eloquently. A cleverly constructed write. Excellent job!

Let my soul to rest

*I don't think you need to the "to" here. I think it would flow into the next line better.

before the roseate glow of dawn.

*This libe is amazing. Very very beauitful :] I love the word choice *

While darkness dances
in the air tonight,

*I love how you said "dances" It makes the darkness seen less dark if that makes sense, almost child like. I liked how you used the word there. Clever*

I shall be gone.

No shedding tears upon my depart;
this colossal world

Will impart.

*I really liked how you broke that part up. It seems like you had a hard time speaking and breaking it up like this makes it more obvious to me how you felt about leaving*

Behind the brow of distant hills,

*I'd take that comma out, you don't really need it there*

where greener pastures
I foresee;

*same here the semicolon is uneeded too*

no tragedy or
throes of death
to curtain;
where realm of hopes
flourish without borders...

*I love how this ends. Very soft and easy to read. The flow is just flawless and really adds a nice touch to the piece*

My Eternal Home.

In the dawning
Of forgotten trust and divinity,

*I'd make the "of" lowercase*

my heart
must not wander afar,

*I'd put astray instead of afar. That sounds weird or maybe just far would work*

For, and only in, the lap of Heaven,

I will devotedly return.

*Love the ending. Very powerful. I miss your poems. They are always so different and feel of amazingness lol You're an awesome poet and I always enjoy you work. Nik :]*

Oh Myryn.... you are amazing. This is my favorite piece by you. :-) Can I post this one on my site?

5/5

Myryn,

When I read this poem for the challenge, I thought it was such a lovely read.. I could tell you wrote it because of the elegance in your words.. I'd just like to say congrats on winning with this piece in one of the categories.. Definitly deserving.

"Let my soul to rest"

personally with the line above, I think it should be either "leave my soul to rest" or "Let my soul rest" something about it when I read it makes the flow rocky.. It just doesn't read right to me. I guess it is just personal preference however.

I loved the imagery you used within this poem. "roseate glow of dawn." and "greener pastures" really stood out into my mind.. I loved how you juxtaposed this against dark images, such as "darkness dances" & "colossal world"

I really enjoyed the subtle rhyme within the start of the poem, but towards the end I couldn't seem to really find it.

My favorite part of this poem was definitly this:

I foresee;
no tragedy or
throes of death
to curtain;
where realm of hopes
flourish without borders"

It was so elegant, just like the entire poem, but the words here really stayed in my mind.. I loved the emotion etched deep within your words. You write about death with such beauty and that is hard to do because death creates emotion deeply.

"Of forgotten trust and divinity"

the "Of" should be "of"

Other then that little thing I pointed out I really enjoyed this poem. Nema sent me the poems and this was one that I thought wow with. A lovely read. Well done.

-Mel.

I could be completely interpreting your poem wrong here, but from your title & what I've read to me it seems as though you believe in life after death. Thats what I believe the message was of this piece, & if it was it was clearly spoken. A wonderful write, really truly enjoyed every line. You did an amazing job, I believe this is a winner.

Beautiful poem.
Congrats on your win for the weekly contest!
Take Care
Cindy

Myryn I'm so proud of you!!! =)
You did great in this challenge and I loved all the poems you wrote. You were a great support to the team and you deserved nothing less than a weekly win. Even more ;)

Well done sweetie. Proud of you <3

I don't know why but this one gave me chills. well done

I dont bet you won this..
you have played ur feelings so well, and penned down a gr8 sensual piece.
which I believe many would relate to.
a heartfelt piece with uniqueness which I started to admire..just a poem b4
and started to love just now..

Behind the brow of distant hills,
where greener pastures
I foresee;
no tragedy or
throes of death
to curtain;
where realm of hopes
flourish without borders...
this was my favorite stanza...it held a special meaning for me.

you are a talented poet.
keep going
5/5

WOW!!! This piece is truly mesmerising. On that will definitely be added to my favourites list. 5/5

Congratulations on the well deserved win. (:
You have such talent and we are blessed to be able to read it.