Comments : Updated

  • 13 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I would change suck in the second stanza to sip. Loved the repetition of the line in the first stanza in the last stanza as well. I thought you truly did an amazing job of expressing your emotions...your poetry is such a gift to us readers. Sad but beautiful at the same time.

  • 13 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This really does rimind me of the poems I have read written by the masters and the title fits
    This is what I would write if I had the the skill to write free flowing verse

    I am really impressed.

  • 13 years ago

    by Jad

    A good poem and a thoughtful poem as well. As Temps said I also thought you got your emotions across nicely. A sad but heart filled piece. Good job and keep writing.

  • 13 years ago

    by Cindy

    What a wonderful piece. The picture you have painted for the readers mind is awesome.

    Through my unaligned loneliness
    I wish my glass is filled up with pouring unseal my chained up mind.
    For I have lost my silvery moon through
    the dazzle of my wounds, and the flames
    of my heart that barely lift still this flowing sky..

    I was really captivated by your ending. Night time is when all the pain of things we have lost in our lives come calling on our minds.
    Excellent job!
    Love Cindy

  • 13 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Many lament about their loneliness without ever truly being alone. I know where your pain comes from, is from feeling no one really cares. I know how that feels, I was once where you are now. This feeling left me when my only child was born. I hope you will one day know the joy of motherhood and the fulfillment it brings to a woman.

    Through my unaligned loneliness
    I wish my glass is filled up with pouring unseal my chained up mind.

    I too prayed for this light and it came to me in the form of a baby:)

    Strong worded poem, you did well on this, yet again!!!!

    * big hug*

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 13 years ago

    by ShIsAnA tHe OnE aNd OnLy

    Interesting choice of words...5/5 i love it

  • 13 years ago

    by chind

    Another fabulous piece! i loved the image that was created in my head whilst reading this. I felt like i was mourning, i felt heart broken, i felt everything that comes with sadness. It was a very powerful piece...and i loved it!

  • 13 years ago

    by abracadabra

    A powerful piece. Almost...melodramatic? Sorry! Here, I am finding a beautiful metaphor- that of the "liquified pouring moon" filling the cup for you to drink- that has already conjured up images in my mind that make me hunger for more...images that you then repeat in the following two stanzas almost unnecessarily. Un-breaking and un-crawling...I didn't understand the significance of these words in the context. Words are precious to poets, and when they are twisted, it has to be with a remarkable context.
    I was more interested in why your loneliness was "unaligned"? This was the theme I would have like to have seen elaborated, instead of the angst that drowns it.
    I LOVED your repetition of the first line in the last stanza that connected the third, very well executed.
    So yes, I think this poem packs a punch, but it is a jagged one. The power is slightly weakened through more and more bitter metaphoric imagery. Concentrate on one theme, and remember... poetry can be filled with joy or sorrow, but the best poetry contains a hint of both. Irony is your greatest tool to hint at truth.
    Keep it up,