Comments : Drowning of love loss

  • 9 years ago

    by BehindTheSmile

    Its not finished yet.. its on stand by.. comments and rates will be appreciated and name idea's also :P

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I love happy endings which are new begginings I imagine at the last of this great poem

  • 9 years ago

    by BehindTheSmile

    Thanks :) if only i could actually do that for real...

  • 9 years ago

    by Tom Swart

    I liked your poem and its form. I took some liberties and hope you won't mind. I took your poem and changed some of the lines. I think if you lost the fist stanza all together your poem would be better. Keep up the good works

    Tempted to step off this edge
    Where faded memories came to die,
    It is sad to think about you
    I wish we had said goodbye.

    Too late now to gather hopes
    There is nothing more to do.
    Two feet and toes touch the sand
    My heart begs to think of you.

    Feeling lost I get light headed,
    I can no longer hold youths breath
    Life has come to show me
    Why love is so close to death.

    I shiver naked and scared
    There are few things left to feel.
    My relief is a wash over me,
    All my pain for you has been healed.

  • 9 years ago

    by BehindTheSmile

    I like that.. i would love to write like that to bad im 14 and my mind doesnt work like that yet...

  • 9 years ago

    by kiara

    I really love this even though it's really sad
    i think you did a great job with this piece!!!
    keep it up =]

  • 9 years ago

    by VeinsofHate

    "I start to get light headed
    I no longer can hold my breath
    So this is what its like
    To be so close to death"

    my favorite part of the whole poem. it just stuck out to me and it's beautiful... the whole poem is. I love it!! Very good job

  • 7 years ago

    by Marvellous

    One thing lost, is another gained. Within every scar, healing dwells.