Metric(al) Magnet(ism)

by mnemosyne   Jan 17, 2011


-

words
wrest hot at the nape of my neck
as you sigh with amorous face.
I am fallen deep into sheets
of creme-tinted tendrils ripened to
taste

coo
with the curve of your fingers
along my jagged spine.
travel, perspire, recline
whilst tangled in linen
rhyme

sprint
along my tilted carriage
with lips loosely a j a r
tower over crescent moon;
navel up to catch a falling
star

breathe
in quivering gusts;
succinct nonverbal verities.
color collides with static
and we are left limp with
solidarity

January 15th 2011
(c) Novalyn Grace RR

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  • 8 years ago

    by Jenna Bella Oldridge

    A stunning poem that was put together in a very creative way. I liked the poem as a whole and therefore cannot pick out just one section and say that is my favorite part as all the stanza's are equally as good as each other

    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by The Prince

    This is a cryptic love poem - I adore it. It's got that dream-like essence and cadence which usually surrounds most of your writing. The subtle rhymes work well off-hand and the lack of punctuation seems accidental but is really fitting...

    'words
    wrest hot at the nape of my neck'

    I see 'words' being more like lip movements on the neck which is more of a sensual image, the same as we might trace fingers on somebody's back like a sensual drawing aha - weird comparison but, yeah. Wrest was a nice play on words.

    'I am fallen deep into sheets
    of creme-tinted tendrils ripened to
    taste'

    Such a rich image...I got ripened to symbolise perfection...or an act long overdue, almost as if in waiting for that particular moment. hm.

    'coo
    with the curve of your fingers
    along my jagged spine.
    travel, perspire, recline
    while tangled in linen
    rhyme'

    Ah! What I was saying before...almost. This stanza is rawer than the previous. 'Jagged' is probably the harshest word you've used in this poem and it perhaps hints (whether or not it was intentional) the far more physical part of sex. 'Tangled' suggested the semi-awkward and busy motions beneath sheets and it's gorgeous though I'd like 'whilst' as opposed to 'while'

    'sprint
    along my tilted carriage
    with lips loosely a j a r
    tower over crescent moon;
    navel up to catch a falling
    star'

    I really enjoyed the imagery here - it paints night perfectly. 'Tilted carriage' portrayed such a delicious image for me aha...like a bent body facing upwards in a semi-ecstasy, combined with the images of the moon and star symbolising togetherness whilst remaining sexual symbols too but oh so subtle.

    'breathe
    in quivering gusts;
    succinct nonverbal verities.
    color collides with static
    and we are left limp with
    solidarity'

    I got the feeling of intensity in the first few lines - speaking in tongues, sighs and noise, succinct because it's a language in itself really isn't it..the type of sigh or quick breath speaks a different word or thought each time. Colour colliding with static I got to be a mutual climax with the limpness afterwards. I got the whole ending to be defined as a picture with the colour representing completion and the static meant a moment frozen in time, I guess. Time standing still and all that.

    Beautiful, as always.

  • 8 years ago

    by M Colella

    Your writting is eloquent and beautiful. How I enjoyed this simple poem filled with sensual meaning

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