Comments : Can it be

  • 9 years ago

    by Sylvia

    At times it is difficult to believe that you can love someone. You have expressed those emotions well in this.

  • 9 years ago

    by Anthony M

    Realization and fear captured well

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Unbounded love breaks open
    as i collapse under the pressure
    unable to fathom the measure
    I'm willing to let you in.

    ^Probably the strongest stanza of the bunch. The rest didn't really do much for me. I thought the poem was okay but obviously could be stronger but definitely understand this could of been a quick vent, so I'm sure you're away it isn't your best. However, it was nicely expressed, you can feel all the emotions you feel.

  • 9 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    JAD:)
    you very well know what I think of your work, and how much I am fond of most of your poems. but if I have to be honest, this poem was not as unique as the rest of your work, since the opening stanza is overly used, and I got used to see new things by you. This is not the real Austin's inspiring work..and that made me think as if you just wanted to express your emotions or something ?
    however I was in love with certain expressions..

    Roses are red
    violets are blue
    I'm thinking of you
    If only you knew
    ^^^ya this part was the one that i was not really
    fond of..it'sa bit cliche and that is not what
    you usually do.
    like it lacks the real meaning, more like for the sake
    of rhythm

    That stars are like dreams,
    painted across the sky

    ^^what I love about these two lines is that they make me think how true the expression is..stars are beautiful and are distant..so are our dreams..they are unreachable most of the times, but they beautifully give us this feeling while
    trying to reach them..

    and if only they could describe
    how much you mean to me.

    ^^^i love the passion in this line..so strong and your feelings are crawling to their peak..

    Unbounded love breaks open
    as i collapse under the pressure

    ^^capitalize (i) if you wanna, better..and these
    lines reflected a beating tired heart that's doing its best to show the feelings and love that's pumping in

    As your face shines,
    beautiful and captivating, to me
    making life something to see
    as all life stops in time.
    ^^^I can get your message Aust, but
    the way you worded thsi stanza sounds as if you rushed everything in, why don't your review it ?
    like I can sense the admiration and can see the beautiful effect of this person, and how her love
    is changing everything around you, but you can better this part.

    Finally your voice whispers,
    soothing away all my cares
    and one last time I dare
    to love again but only for her.

    Can it be?

    ^^the way you ended it by can it be? doesn't really give the effect you wanted it to leave...and you change the 2nd person in the poem../i mean
    1st was your voice..hen to love again but only for her..

    you either have to change her /for you OR separate the last 2 lines from the other 2 lines of that last stanza..or else it would feel forced again for the sake of the rhyme which is not fair toward the clarity of the piece..
    I know you don't mind anything of what I said, because I know how you write..this one feels rushed a bit and you can reallly make some good changes.

    however 5/5 for this love :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Lynn Anderson

    Great feeling. I LOVE the question at the end! 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Katy

    Lovely poem

  • 9 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Awwww... this is such a sweet love poem that was like a breath of fresh air... This is an adorable kind of love.. I absolutely loved the first stanzas. Great job with this poem!

  • 9 years ago

    by celia stock

    Hi Jad - i like the message your poem conveys. Can It Be? i hope so..... celia