Comments : Fleeing Sands

  • 8 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Are your poems brooms? Because they just seem to swipe me of my feet.. I am head over heels inlove with your writing... Thanks to britt for telling us in the club to look at this... Stunning piece! I sure hope it wins...you never fail to impress me :) mwa xx.

  • 8 years ago

    by Blissful

    Wow. Britt brought my attention to this poem and I am truly blown away. The more I read it, the more it became real to me and the last two lines were just perfect. This is getting a nomination for sure.

  • 8 years ago

    by Jad

    Nana, you are going to give me a heart attack with these amazing pieces. I love the depth that you go into this poem with and also the message is so true and at times can be a hard thing to face. The word choice was really good and I was taken away with how easily you made this piece flow. I was able to read from line to line with no stopping whatsoever. The emotion in this piece also was amazing. You seemed to pour your heart out in such a beautiful way expressing yourself with clarity.

    "Dangling from the peak of it's
    crumbling edges, scrambled
    letters and leaves that belong to
    a sinner, who's face they say
    looks like mine"

    This was my favorite part and I like how you point this verse at yourself as it made a lot more sense and also just your imagery is just something else. You make everything so easy to see as if its right in front of us.

    In all I love every inch of this poem and there is not one thing I would change as I find it conveys your message across very clearly and you still have all your emotions in the poem keeping it full of life. :] You have once again kept up fantastic poetic skills! Great job and keep writing.

  • 8 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    'If only time could run like a river, in the opposite direction.' - Do you realize how loud this word speaks? It speaks volumes. It at first didn't really hold a meaning with me...but now it does. I think we all wish to know the future, so that we are better prepared for the things that may happen, we may have less regrets and have learned our lessens sooner so that it wasn't too late.

    I can't really pick a favorite line in this poem, however the concept here is excellent. You truly do center your poems around this line and it is what makes the poem extremely powerful. You never have a problem hearing the poet's voice in your poems, you speak yourself so clearly and drain your emotions out completely.

    I almost feel like the thoughts in this poem were reversed in a way to emphasize that meaning of time going in the opposite direction, like for example -
    ``I would mend my steps first, and the wounds later, ``
    -It's kind of hard to explain why I feel this line is reversed, I guess one wouldn't typically be able to go back and mend the steps they've taken but learn from it as you have stated in the poem. If you were able to go back and mend the steps you've taken there may not be any wounds to mend. Hence why you're going back (reversing) to fix the past.

    I almost felt like your lines was the river - like time - flowing in the opposite direction. Everything was just excellent. I'll not pick this poem apart any further, I feel as though I'm looking too far into it. It was a great poem, very thought provoking!

  • 8 years ago

    by Chelsey

    If only time would run like a river,
    yet into the opposite direction
    sweeping with it all the trash
    off the corners of my life

    ^ great similie, and don't we ALL wish that could happen..that'd be amazing!

    trying to reach the river's bed
    that enfolds fleeing sands,
    as if destiny is an escapable
    gate, or regret is a gate
    to be skipped

    ^ this was incredible and my favorite part!
    not all lessons are worth the mistake
    nor all regrets are worth the lessons

    ^ powerful ending statement! that was awesome!

    I LOVED this piece!

  • 8 years ago

    by E <3

    "If only time would run like a river,
    yet into the opposite direction
    sweeping with it,
    this face of shame off my dress"

    ^^^I enjoyed the way you opened the poem. I like the simile, and what it represented. Many people can relate to it, I've felt this way so many times.

    "I would mend my steps first,
    and the wounds later, I would
    seek what lays beyond, rather
    than being pierced to what
    I am bestowed"

    ^^^I'm enjoying the pauses and how this stanza is formatted. "Rather than being pierced to what I am bestowed." Ahhh I love that.

    "If only time would run like a river,
    yet into the opposite direction
    sweeping with it all the trash
    off the corners of my life"

    ^^^I really, really like this stanza. I like when poems repeat. In this stanza, it fits very well, and I'm glad you didn't just copy the same stanza from the opener. The words that replaced them, maybe I shouldn't use replaced, the words you used here flowed very nicely, and show a great meaning.

    "wavering a dim past that's
    hiding in it's future's pocket
    with shades of blue and green,
    befriending the incumbency
    of these rocky loads
    that my heart can no longer bear."

    ^^^I'm speechless after reading this. I don't even know what to say.

    "Dangling from the peak of it's
    crumbling edges, scrambled
    letters and leaves that belong to
    a sinner, who's face they say
    looks like mine"

    ^^^Oh! And I haven't even begun talking about your imagery. This stanza takes your words and laces them into a beautiful masterpiece. I love love love it.

    "trying to reach the river's bed
    that enfolds fleeing sands,
    as if destiny is an escapable
    gate, or regret is a gate
    to be skipped."

    ^^^ I tried to start quoting my favorite part of this stanza, and I rewrote the whole thing. So then I just deleted that part, and I'll say this. This is my favorite stanza in this piece. I enjoy it because the imagery is amazing, and the last three lines leave something indescribable with me.

    "If only time could run like a river,
    yet into the opposite direction..
    I would have realized before it
    was too late that,
    not all lessons are worth the mistake
    nor all regrets are worth the lessons"

    ^^^OH MY GOSH. OH MY GOSH. This is amazing. "Not all lessons are worth the mistake nor all regrets are worth the lessons" Amazing. Simply amazing. Well said, and way to go with making it flow.

    I enjoyed reading this very much, my dear Captain Rania. There seemed to be no problems with anything, the organization was good, the lines flowed together, making the stanza flow together. Wow. The way you ended that poem will stay with me for a long time. Absolutely flawless,
    Greeeeeeeeeeeeeat job!!!
    5/5
    Keep writing,
    Erna.

  • 8 years ago

    by Cindy

    Nana Congrats on your win :)

  • 8 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Wow! Rania this poem is amazing! It's no wonder you won this competition :) Great job and congratulations! I'm so happy for you my dear <3 It's a beautiful poem and I loooove the meaning! You express emotions so nicely and your poems are always beautiful and a joy to read!!! =D

  • 8 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    I was here again :))))) its like the 10th time I read this,I can't get enough!!

  • 8 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    I was here again...forever not over this poem...

  • 8 years ago

    by Dark Shadows

    Loved it

  • 8 years ago

    by Decayed

    Omg Nana!!! What the hell?

    Why haven't you showed me this???

    I'm checking all of your old poems now.

    And I love love love this.

  • 7 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    READ 5 MILLION AND 6.

  • 7 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    <3