Comments : Big girls dont cry

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    This is so sad Yakz; heart breaking but at least as you said, a lesson learned is worth all the pain endured..trust me :)

    I love the poem, and the way you worded it, sounds like you expressed everything you felt..

    however

    crushed into pieces
    lost in disbelief
    you a puppet master
    and I,perhaps too naive
    ^^

    this was my favorite part..
    i love this stanza and the words choice u
    chose for it; as well as for the way you wrote them down..

    suggestions; you need to repuncuate the stanzas.
    and

    left me alone
    wanting to die
    played me too well
    I'll never know why
    ^^^
    the last line sounds really forced and was weak;
    it affects the poem..and you are better without this one ? as you want :)

    PS: big girls, do cry when its needed ;) do it even if you had no shoulder to cry on

  • 13 years ago

    by The Queen

    I agree with the above comments.

    crushed into pieces
    lost in disbelief
    you[,] a puppet master
    and I,[ ]perhaps too naive

    I think it was ended abruptly, though I really liked the beat of this piece.

    Hey, Ive written something out of this title as well.

    Here, have a look:)

    http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/sad/poems.php?id=1001586