I may be wrong but shouldn't 'turn' be 'turning?

I'd look through your poem. Lots of fillers that can be eliminated to improve flow.

Again, I think the message is always so powerful in your poems but the fillers do tend to distract my attention. I like where the beginning of poems like this show no hope but as the end of the poem draws to a close theres always some kind of hope there. Here it's the patience; something positive. I'm not sure what to say about this poem, it's kind of hard to put a solid interpretation together since there could be many here.. at least I think so. Nice job

Austin, I like this just as it is. Gives the reader such a true image of the sun setting on another day. The flow/cadence is smooth for me and don't see to many filler words either. Just a well written poem as usual from you.

I find this not only a deep write but a
sentimental one too..with lots of images for the reader..liked it :)

I watch the setting sun
slowly, as always, turn to ash

*I don't really like the "as always" part it seems to interupt the sentence a little. maybe something like "eventually" sounds better and doesn't mess with the flow of the piece.*

while hope cries its last breath
into the void that has become space.

*Really like this last part. Flows very well and leaves me with a sense of emptiness in a way*

Erasing the colors of the day
shadows dance across the sky,

*I feel like you use the word shadow too often in the poem. It seems like the word shadow is important and should be saved until the end of the piece. I'd change it to something like "pictures" or "images" something that's close to the words shadow but not the actual word. *

withholding that light once comforting,
as dreams cope with the worries of night.

*I like that you said dreams instead of people. Very clever*

Finally patience is engraved
in the mind of those dead,

*The second line here doesn't sound right at the end. Something about the word dead just messed things up for me. Maybe " in the mind of those laid to rest" or something like that. "dead" just sounds so thrown in.*

remembering the long, bitter fights
against the shadow of the day.

*Great song I must add lol but I like the overall meaning of this piece just a few words either messed up the flow or didn't fit in well with the other words. Nice work though Aussy. -Nik*

Austinnnnn...I am sorry, dont mean to love sad and misc poems more than your love, but maybe its me LOL, am a gloomier :P however..I ams aying this cause you have captured me to my deepest beatsssssssssss ...amazing fabulous, fantastic piece, with forevermore outstanding imagination..

your mind is master piece, and you keep on writing things that inspire me so damn much.
This poem is just what I love to read from you, they charm me..

Id o have some suggestions tho, if u dnt mind, no u dont mind lol.

I watch the setting sun
slowly, as always, turn to ash
while hope cries its last breath
into the void that has become space.
^^this is your 1st stanza ok? but I believe
this amazing view with the amazing expression u used can make the flow easier if you revise the places of the words.. like this way..

I watch the setting sun
slowly, as always, turn to ash
^^
what's slowly..watching the sun..or the sun is setting slowly?
what turns to ashes..you or the sun?
and you should say void to space..almost the same meaning.. gap would make a better effect so as a total..compare yours to this :

watch the setting sun leisurely,
yet again I turn to ashes,
whilst hope cries its last breath
into the void that has become a gap

so for clarity i believe its this way ?
however in all cases splendid imagination,

Erasing the colors of the day
shadows dance across the sky,

^^
wonderfulllllll

Finally patience is engraved
in the mind of those dead,
^^^
this was breathtaking..I love it, i love your work..i love everything austin..
the closing lines were jst as strong..

please writeee sooonnn

5/5