Eternity

I've lost myself again.
Disconnected,
words flow from this pen.
It's like I'm looking at me from outside my body.
And it seems to me that I'm just feeling sorry
for myself and her.
how could we turn into such disaster?
The one thing I miss most is her laughter.

And no, I'm not afraid to write this.
Because maybe I deserved my heart in her fist.
maybe I deserve every word that was said.
maybe I deserve to feel so dead.

No she wasn't perfect,
But what the hell did I expect?

I was,
I am,
and I will be locked with my demons,
in an eternal dance.
But that's still not an excuse for not giving her a chance.

I want this to be the last thing I write.
So that I can wrap myself in an eternal night.

She was the first person to say she loved me.
And now that I've lost that, I've lost my creativity.
These are the last words I have left. Don't you see?
This is the kind of power she'll always have over me.
This might be something that lasts for eternity.

And now as I am wrapped in the night's black blanket.
Through my tears, and my fears,
The only thing I can mutter are the words
"God damn it."