I miss you so much mum
I can't believe it's been nearly four years without you
Where has that time gone?
How can that really be possible?
It honestly still feels like yesterday that I was with you, smiling and joking, like everything was alright
I still remember all the horrible things so clearly
What it was like when you were in hospital
The moment you took your last breath
Every single one of those memories come flooding back so easily
Why is it so much harder to recall the good memories?
The bad stuff isn't what I want to focus on, but thats all that comes
Will the good memories eventually come back?
It feels impossible that you haven't been here these last four years
The thought of you actually being gone forever seems so impossible that if I think about it too hard it all just seems completely surreal
Just like it did in the first few days after I lost you
There must have been something I could have done to make you hang on to life for a bit longer
I feel so guilty for just letting you leave so quickly, why didn't I try to talk to you and stop you?
I dont know how much longer I can live without you for
It's been so much harder lately, I hate having to accept the fact that you're never coming back
I miss your hugs, your touch
I miss your voice
I miss sleeping in your bed and feeling so safe with you there
I miss you getting me to sleep at night by touching my hair
I miss every single thing about you
