Beautiful form first of all. I thought the title was sweetly simple, it made the piece predictable but since this is a shorter piece I am sure you just want the emotions to last and the imagery to be something new with the idea of love.

"Carnival music flounders,
Turmoil ignites as it spins,
Frigid statue of horses.
Irony of revel."

I think we find a certain joy in carnival music, it gets in our spirit and when you use that word "flounder", it gives a strong sense that even earthly pleasure cannot satisfy, and that is somehow fails at consoling.

Good word- "turmoil" to describe the rides so carefree, I like the imagery, that somehow it creates something destructive instead of kid freedom.

I wasn't sure how the statue of horses played in- don't get me wrong, it was unique and interesting, but wasn't sure what point you were trying to make? Maybe instead you could have hinted at two lovers frozen in those statues or just statues at a carnival instead of the real forces of reality or something.

I liked the intrigue of that last line- I did have to look up "revel" but it was neat how you implied that irony of being merry. That somehow it doesn't quite work out or soothe us. I still think you could have incorporated a metaphor or comparison between lovers and these rides and loud music. something to connect.

God's blessings.

To be honest, I think you did nail this...7-7-7-5..perfect! I ABSOULTELY loved, that the title wasn't in the poem at all, it wasn't about a legit caresoul, but infact you described it in a form of love....for being a short poem I LOVED your word choice here...

You havent written in 2 years! what a shame because I bet you can come out with great pieces!...When I have writers block i did this as well...try different styles see what you can come up with !

Excellent job!

I've never seen this form before but I think you did a beyond wonderful job. I loved the diction you used here. I found it very refreshing and beauitful. I loved the imagery as well very vivid and mind blowing. I hope you keep writing because this was really good. Thanks for sharing dear. You've got a nomination from me for this one. -Nik

Great work!

Picky points 'dodoitsu'
'irony of revel' is 6 beats (3 1 2) maybe: 'ironic revel' ?

Love that you took the suggestion of substituting lovers for horses - makes the poem much more powerful: a tableau of relationship confounded by the very activity masking its stagnancy. All that noise gets in the way of true change.
Beautiful! 5/5

I thank Larry for being tthe one who showed me this fantastic piece,
i am always speechless when it comes to tiny forms with so muchh power
and depth

wonderful,
5/5 definitely

Carnival music flounders,
Turmoil ignites as it spins,
Frigid statue of lovers.
Ironic revel.

very, very brief. it paints a picture very, very well, and it great detail. the whole of the piece easily describes carnival to me, however there doesnt really seem to be a story... its hard to explain, the existence of lovers sort of implies a degree of a story, but not persay, and they're actions, frigid, are not unlike any number of easily imaginable circumstances. its not that i dislike the poem, it has great potential, it just feels as though there is a lot missing.

im not going to say 'write more' or anything like that, i think i liked "lovers" more as "horses" however, it at least reinforced the image rather than trying to distract from the image by inserting a story.

over all i would say its pretty good, but it could be much better, and im not sure what else i can tell you