Comments : The Sinful

  • 13 years ago

    by Britt

    Wow, Mel. This is just absolute poetry right here. You created such a strong emotion within me that it had me clinging desperately to each line, wanting more.

    I love that you chose apricots, and always wonder why you choose the fruits or scents you do. I think it's beautiful poetry overall.

    " bitten
    for the first time -
    bruised by all her
    sweetness,"

    This is absolutely intriguing and I love each line here. Bruised by sweetness is a great contrast here and it's so clever!

    "you'd find
    warmth within my bed,
    and I solace
    in your head."

    I LOVE the rhyme here that shows up out of nowhere, and I love the feeling. The following question afterwards really makes you wonder if what you do, even with good intentions, is really pure - especially in a situation such as this. This is just purely gorgeous poetry.

    One thing, your second stanza starts with "and" and it's not capitalized. The previous line in the first stanza had a full stop - I would take out "and" all together, OR don't make the last stanza a full stop and give it a comma or something to that affect :)

    LOVE it.

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    You are a master piece, and your poems are master pieces, and the words u master, muster my head up LOL..
    i donu wat to say..gna feel ashamed of a short comment but i have no idea wat 2 day..
    what am i gna talk about? ur amazing opening stanza of which u metaphorized in a very original way? or ur body parts that blew my head off..
    or wat? huh?
    should i talk about ur ending u Queen!
    perfect poem
    better wins

    5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by PnQ Mod Account

    Great poem, you are such a talented writer! I've read a lot of your works though I haven't commented on many (or any?) of them yet. I'm in the PnQ Mod Account, sorry about that... Just wanted to let you know you wrote "with" twice toward the end, which I believe is a mistake.

    Take care now.
    Jane

  • 12 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Http://pull.imgfave.netdna-cdn.com/image_cache/1323062570885261.png