First To Be

First to be my love, my dear.
First to take my heart in hand.
First to calm me when you're near.
First to meet my heart's demand.

I lie awake in deep sleep,
Dreaming of your memory.
Tears reine as I start to weep
And hope this is temporary.

My love cuts me to the core.
My love makes my blood cold.
I must always have much more,
Leaving me feeling forever sold.

I never asked for love like this!
I never wanted hurt this deep!
My days of young I dearly miss.
I wish I could my heart keep.

Is this love worth the pain?
Is this love worth the hurt?
We both will scars sustain
And leave to feel like dirt.

And yet I come, my sorrow ever growing,
For the Sower has done His sowing.
It's up to Him for the end reached,
As much I've heard preached.

God, just let the hurt be less
When it's time to let go.
I know I'll be an awful mess
But soon it'll be time to sow.