Comments : Don't tell me..

  • 12 years ago

    by Britt

    WOW Yaki! All of this is so true, experience makes a person, not their age. While with age you have more of a chance to experience more things, it doesn't mean you are necessarily smarter, better or more wise than someone younger who has been through trouble and succeeded.

    This is such an inspirational poem! I love how you have so many facets of life and so many different meanings could be taken other than the literal sense. This poem moved me in ways I haven't experienced from poetry before. If anything it was a slap in the face saying "welcome to reality!" Amazing work, Yaki. Love, love, love this!

  • 12 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Yaki,

    I adored the concept behind this poem, I felt you really showed your maturing and I notice with age you are growing wiser and wiser. What I adore about you is the fact that no matter what life throws are you, you still see things beautifully and you understand life better than most people your age. Your words were sincere here and I couldn't of said what you did any better myself. Like Britt I too find it inspirational and it moved me. Such strength and power behind your words, you to me are someone that can do anything once you put your mind to it and I wish more people were like you in the way you express yourself.

    You have a few grammar errors here and there.

    second stanza first line

    "its = it's"

    You also should capitalize your words after you put a full stop and at the beginning of new stanzas.

    In the last line I would change "Nothing" to "Anything"

    but apart from those things the concept of this poem touched my heart.

    Great work Yaki!
    -Mel

  • 12 years ago

    by Sunshine

    YAKI my network was not helping me at all last night, britt talked to me about this last night on ms, and I was out of words when she pasted it for me..I was on fire to log in and comment!

    You have grown to be a very mature person and poet both equally, which is very important, when one thinks
    better-one writes better!
    I love how simple yet how deep this is, definitely a winner!

    Nothing is as important as experience, and by the same token no body can really understand what we
    are going through unless they went through it!

    A 5 from me and definitely to be nominated!

    my favorite part was :

    how can a heart
    that's still untouched,
    tell me to get over
    my heartbreak..
    ^^^

    took the meaning for my personal message lmao!

    -don't comment on things you know nothing about-

    ^^

    (Y) likeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenny

    You are very good. I really love this poem, you have a great vision in life.

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenny

    You are very good. I really love this poem, you have a great vision in life.