Channel Surfing

Waiting for things to fall in place.Moving through time as the outsider now. watching things flip like channels. Searching through for something more interesting. Surfing played out emotions. Redundant reruns of memories. Good ones almost impossible to find. Blood soaked dreams. Tears from mothers who gave up long before you came. The sadness was passed through generations and never goes away while standing thousands of miles away from everything. Leaving marks on the world requires your own deep wounds. Episodes will always come and it will always be different.
Some new drama.
After the channels have been flipped through, all that's left is snowy white disconnections. Static noises irritate the senses and time is left for self reflection.
Spending these moments, deep in my thoughts. piecing images together over and over. Lovely images, grotesque images. While explosions of the mind bursts with synaptic activity creating waterfalls of blood and broken bones. Legs snapping backward. Odd sounds that pop, crunch, and grind.
Tears flow freely.Pain follows close behind and is a constant companion. Always there to remind you that your still alive. Dark and alone you are in this nightmare. It feels so real upside down seems right side up and you forget to watch which way the bubbles rise as you drown. Tight asphyxiation burns without heat. The mind screams panic in your ears. Systems are shutting down. Slowly everything falls aways. Pain starts to float toward the darkness. Thoughts drift. The fire within is extinguished
memories smolder and saturate. Eyes stare blankly open.
This is when you know the lights are out.
Maybe you should turn the channel.

~Kilpatrick~