My safe darkness

I like the dark
It's safe.
Like a shield
Not only protecting me from physical harm
But also from feeling.
There are so many different feelings

Some are happy,
Some are soft,
Some are exciting,
Some are warming.
Some are really good.
Amazing.
But most feelings are cold.
Hard.
Sad.
Lonely.
Abandoning.
These evil feelings
Take over and swallow you.

If you want to hear the good news,
You also have to hear the bad.
And when that happens,
You don't know what to do.
A good feeling makes you happy,
Just for a moment.
But a bad feeling leaves you hurt.
For a long time.

A happy feeling is so short lived.
It's not worth it.
That's why I'm hiding in the dark,
I let it embrace me like a blanket.
Because where you can't see anything,
You can't feel anything.

I like the dark.
It's safe.
Because in the dark,
There are no feelings.
Only dark,
And dark,
And more dark.

The only thing playing on my mind,
Is that I want to rise to my feet.
Twist the switch on the wall.
But I don't have the courage to do so.
I'm afraid of the light.
Of all the hurt and feelings it brings.
So I stay huddled in my corner,
And I hope that someone,
Anyone,
Will come to turn on the light.
Pull me away from my blank hypnosis.
But for now,
I will sit here.

In the safety of my darkness.