Hi this is a good poem but there is a couple of lines that needs editing! The first one being "But lately all you make me is cry." it should read "but lately all you make me do is cry" and the other line that needs editing "One day I want to give the choice of becoming my wife" I think it should read "One day I want to give you the choice of becoming my wife." But all in all it was a nice poem!

Hi this is a good poem but there is a couple of lines that needs editing! The first one being "But lately all you make me is cry." it should read "but lately all you make me do is cry" and the other line that needs editing "One day I want to give the choice of becoming my wife" I think it should read "One day I want to give you the choice of becoming my wife." But all in all it was a nice poem!

Hi this is a good poem but there is a couple of lines that needs editing! The first one being "But lately all you make me is cry." it should read "but lately all you make me do is cry" and the other line that needs editing "One day I want to give the choice of becoming my wife" I think it should read "One day I want to give you the choice of becoming my wife." But all in all it was a nice poem!

Hi this is a good poem but there is a couple of lines that needs editing! The first one being "But lately all you make me is cry." it should read "but lately all you make me do is cry" and the other line that needs editing "One day I want to give the choice of becoming my wife" I think it should read "One day I want to give you the choice of becoming my wife." But all in all it was a nice poem!

Thank you rhe cry line is great suggestion, the wife line i had you in there must have lost it cutting and pasting

I love how you express your feelings to her and show every emotion in every word!..
it has it's sad part but you really show how much you love her..good poem 5/5

This poem was very sweet and thoughtful.. since you're fairly new to writing you just might to work on the flow. reading it I stumbled a little bit. But it was a good piece, maybe just space out the rhyme sceme. But you have a lot of talent and a lot of promise. Keep writing. And I hope to see more by you.

This poem is nice, it shows your feelings and it is also cool how you made it rhyme thoughout the whole thing.

This is a lovely poem, keep up the good work 5/5

Hello,
Beautiful poem very touching. I think it needed a few changes of words to make it rhyme. Poems not necessarily have to rhyme but its somehow easier and fun to read them. I tried to make it rhyme without changing the content of your poem. It just needed a change in a few sentences but i decided to write the whole poem and see if you find the changes i made.

I love you so much, I don't know why.
You could make me feel happy but lately all you do is make me cry.

I feel so rejected like you don't want to be in my life.
When all I want is to be with you, form a family and become one.

It lifts me up just to see your face
And your voice takes me to my happy place.

The touch of your soft skin turns me on,
you will always be beautiful to me that's no con.

You started out long ago as my best friend,
now I want to be with you until the end.

You help me with choices to better my life,
One day I want to give you the choice of becoming my wife.

Now I've tried to express the way you make me feel,
there's not a single doubt these feelings are genuine.

It took a long time but you won my heart,
I will miss you so much if we are ever apart.

I love you so much, I don't know why.
You can make me so happy, all you have to do is try.

V good job :}
emotional and heart felt, keep it up !!

Well written:) keep it up:)

Thanks to everyone above since this is the first poem I wrote since roses are red days in elementary school, I think I've found a new hobby and outlet for my emotions

For being a beginner in poetry, its a very good poem.
Like everlasting suggested, i would break it up into stanzas.Easier reading that way.
But other then that i loved it. Your love for her poured through, wanting her to one day be your wife.

Great Job
Keep it going, poetry is the way to let out all your emotions && you did a good job :)
5/5

Maybe working on the flow would help a bit? We all have a start! :) and your start seems promising, you have the 'potential' to write, the emotions and feelings, the creativeness, though honestly I think this was not original at all, we all write "I love you" poems! :) but I just feel you might be creative in the future.
and I think you have the feelings and passion, all you need is time and experience which comes after a short while.

Be proud of this simple write because it will be the beginning of a very bright tomorrow, cheer up! :)

Very good, I like the emotion in it...good job...(:

I actually like the title because it pulled me. I think that this is definately a heartfelt write and the emotions are really strong. It is obvious that you loved the person with all your heart. I think that the flow gets interrupted sometimes but that's alright, especially for this being your first poem. The rhyme feels forced at some places and some of your images are cliche but I can feel that they mean something to you. I like that you managed to put different feelings in this poem, one hand hand it's the love you feel for the person and on the other the sadness that you can't be together. I also think you worded this quite good, so overall you did a good job.

Wow... This is very good. Very touching and real and the emotions are bursting in every word. I absolutely loved it :)
I love you so much, I don't know why.
you could make me so happy, but lately all you make me do is cry.
I feel so rejected like you don't want to be with me,
When all I want is to be with you in a happy family.

I can relate to this sooo much... To be rejected but u love them so much an u want to make them happy an they make u happy...

The entire poem was lovely :) 5/5

Wow this poem blew me away. I love your use of words its beautiful and its a great write for starting poetry... I find love poems the hardest to write! I enjoyed reading this one thanks for sharing Dave :)
A well deserved 5/5

Ahha that's all i can say! :)