Just what I feel

by Rejoice Mandy   Sep 9, 2011


Missing you is the pain
That wont go away
The love i have for you
will never stop, okay?

If its true love that we have
there is no need to worry
If its true love that we share
then our burdens we'l carry

In a life so merry
A life so true
A life there is no fear
To say I love you

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  • 14 years ago

    by Jenni

    First of all I'd recommend you to change the title as the one you currently have it not really pulling readers in,

    Missing you is the pain
    That wont go away
    The love i have for you
    will never stop, okay?

    ^ Insert a full stop after "away" and change "wont" to "won't"
    I like that you direct this poem to the person you're refering to because that gives it a specific intimacy and it makes it even more touching. I think it was a good idea to start your poem like this because it gives the reader an idea of the situation you might be in. Your straight words underline the way you feel.

    If its true love that we have
    there is no need to worry
    If its true love that we share
    then our burdens we'l carry

    ^ change "its" to "it's", insert a full stop after "worry" and "carry", and change "we'l" to "we'll"
    The message of this stanza is really clear and quite nice. It shows that though the person might have hurt you, you're still willing to stand by their side because you believe in the love you two share. I also liked the repetition.

    In a life so merry
    A life so true
    A life there is no fear
    To say I love you

    ^ Insert a comma after the first two verses
    This ending is really well written and it flows good too. The message is clear and powerful and it obviously shows that you still love the person and you will him. This also seems to be a somewhat positive ending, which I hope it really is.
    Overall I think this is a well penned poem with a lot emotions.

  • 14 years ago

    by Rejoice Mandy

    It makes me cry

  • 14 years ago

    by Rejoice Mandy

    It makes me cry