In a dark place...

I'm in a dark place. I'm trapped in my own body. I cant get out. I try and I try, but the happiness is false. The snot and tears fall out of my head in anguish even as I write this. I don't understand why, why I do crucify myself like this. My prison has become the bottle. Have you ever had that moment of surrealism? That moment when your face hits the ground, and you feel the shudder of the impact reverberate across your senses and it leaves your head ringing. That's the moment when you know you've been tackled to the ground by life. The moment that you taste defeat. I had that moment today. I was happy for a couple of hours and it didn't feel right after I remembered that I had already lost. That's when the sadness came back and I needed to run - I needed to leave and go back to that place where I am numb - where I don't hurt. This life is only just a dream - I cant believe that sometimes I am even here. Its OK - its OK - its OK... what a lie! I am in a dark place - I cant get out.