Comments : Dream

  • 9 years ago

    by Britt

    "'I love you' my dear

    And I wish every day
    I could say"

    The "and I wish every day" should be only four words, not five, if you're keeping up with the scheme of an "etheree" type poem :) Maybe taking out "and" will give you the same thought without changing anything and makes it work better with your style you've decided to use.

    I feel the ending with the "love you too" split up in two lines was forced and didn't feel as "romantic" as the rest of the poem, probably because you were trying to keep with the form and rhyme scheme.. It seemed scrambled.

    I feel you could say a lot more if you strayed from this form and wrote more so how you felt. This poem has a lot of emotion and potential, but I felt the style you chose hindered that a bit :)

  • 9 years ago

    by TSI25

    In a nutshell i agree entirely with britt. personally im not a huge love poem buff, but i think some how you could fit more of you into the poem. other than that i thought it was adorable, and it was an interesting scheme to write in, i might have to try it.

  • 9 years ago

    by Paul Gondwe

    This poem is full of emotions. this is good work though there are some areas that seemed to turn off but i ignored those. Just a suggestion, the ending should be 'I love you too' and not 'love you too'

  • 9 years ago

    by Chelsey

    I definitely would expand a little bit more on this poem, it was almost as if you had more to say but didn't...

    I loved the dawn cracked soon phrase! :)

    I love love poems! Im a mooshy person, but I wish you would have expanded just a bit more!
    Good write!

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I really love the thouhjt behind this romantic poem but I believe with a few channges it would flow better

    This line was awkward for me

    "Looking at me with full of love and grace"

    I love the full of love a grace
    but if you must leave the "with" in
    it woukd read better for me with the fullness of love and grace or replace the "With" with an adjectivie

    Looking at me, affectionatly, full of love and grace

    The "and"s athe the last lines could be a problem for some critics For most readers they might be seen as filler words that distract

    se how it loks without themAnd you whisper in my ear
    'I love you' my dear

    I wish every day
    In a way I could say

    'I love you too'

  • 9 years ago

    by Amreen

    Wonderful dream to say first...!
    Its really feels so elated and refrshing to think of your love and you on an isolated place,cherishing the love you share and living every beautiful feeling that comes your way...:)
    this poem makes me visualise the romantic delicacies of a beautiful couple....:))
    overall a beautiful poem....

    Good work...:)