The "and I wish every day" should be only four words, not five, if you're keeping up with the scheme of an "etheree" type poem :) Maybe taking out "and" will give you the same thought without changing anything and makes it work better with your style you've decided to use.
I feel the ending with the "love you too" split up in two lines was forced and didn't feel as "romantic" as the rest of the poem, probably because you were trying to keep with the form and rhyme scheme.. It seemed scrambled.
I feel you could say a lot more if you strayed from this form and wrote more so how you felt. This poem has a lot of emotion and potential, but I felt the style you chose hindered that a bit :)
9 years ago
In a nutshell i agree entirely with britt. personally im not a huge love poem buff, but i think some how you could fit more of you into the poem. other than that i thought it was adorable, and it was an interesting scheme to write in, i might have to try it.
This poem is full of emotions. this is good work though there are some areas that seemed to turn off but i ignored those. Just a suggestion, the ending should be 'I love you too' and not 'love you too'
Wonderful dream to say first...!
Its really feels so elated and refrshing to think of your love and you on an isolated place,cherishing the love you share and living every beautiful feeling that comes your way...:)
this poem makes me visualise the romantic delicacies of a beautiful couple....:))
overall a beautiful poem....